For All The Moms I Know

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations." But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her.

I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by Motherhood.

She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years -- not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God . . . that of being a Mother.

the untolds of pregnancy...

When I found out I was pregnant, I was so shocked I had to take the test multiple times because I just couldnt believe it. Got to the doctors and they confirmed it, and my due date was set for July 4th, 2008. Well thats a good day to be born, going thru my pregnancy was actually met with minor complications, nothing wrong with him, but I had developed gestational diabetes. I took a one hour GTT ( glucose tollerance test) and boy that stuff is gross, it was confirmed that I had a glucose problem, but I needed the longer test. The three hour GTT, which is actulaly 4 hours, and five blood samples. I felt like a pin cushion, but it was all for the great good of my child. Then the results came back, I had Gest. Diab. I had to go see a Gest. Diab specialist and she had things for me to read and start doing. It started with dietary modification, here it is almost summer and I have to give up fruit and only allowed to have one piece after Noon. And I had to limit my milk intake, it was a total bummer, but alas, I made the best of it. My sugars weren't where they wanted them to be, so they put me on Glyburide which is a drug that helps with sugars but safe for pregnant moms to take, and that with the diet wasn't helping, so the last month I was pregnant, I started insulin, and well that was a shock, I'm not one for needles, granted I'm not a whimp or one that carries on, I just dont like that initial poke, but since this time, I get to do it myself, it shouldnt be so bad, since I can control the pace and preasure. I came out successful. A few brusies since I had to inject daily, but moving around a pregnant belly was quite colorful, and my belly button as the bullseye, and luckily for me, mine stayed an innie. LOL

I knew that I was going to have a C-Section, my son had grown to be quite long, but wasnt the weight they were predicting, they were figuring somewhere around 11 lbs, but nope, he was 9lbs 14 oz. The C-section was wonderful, I had no complications, other than the annoying itch from where my staples there, finally they were removed and I felt so much better. So much has been written about experiences of Mothers and pregnancy and birth, that I feel this is just a waste of time, but you just never know, it might help someone else who is facing similar complications.. I was going to the doctors twice a week, in the end, well, the last two months, every Tuesday and Friday, it was a total pain, one appt was for me, and the other was for the baby, just wish they could have gotten us in on the same day LOL But the nice thing was, I got to have weekly visits with my son on the inside, so it was like a mixer, but instead of getting to know a man, I was getting to know my little boy, who eventually will become a man. I got my date set for surgery, and it was set for the 7th of July, and it was a walk in the park, I couldnt believe that the spinal block didnt hurt, it felt more like a void, I have been asked so many times but its so hard to explain, but it sure is trippy when you look down and cant feel your toes LOL and then your legs, then up your waist and then stopping at your breastbone. They were playing James Taylor and my surgeon was singing and they were having a great time, and then when it came time for the operation, the music was turned off, and they got down to business, and he was brought out, all wet and crying. I got to see him for a few minutes, and then he and Daddy went with the nurses to get weighed and a proper bath. 21.5 inches 9lbs 14oz. I was in surgery for another hour while they closed me up, and then brought back to my wonderful suite where my whole family was waitng with our little guy. I finally got to hold him after I got situated in my room. My mom was amazed that I looked so great, but I felt great too, just that damn pinching ... but it finally subsided, or I just blocked it out after I got to hold my son. I unwrapped him, and looked him over, and wow,what a cutie. The three days in the hospital were nice, granted I would have much rather had them keep up on my meds, I wasnt in a lot of pain, until the first time I got out of bed... 5 hours after my c-section I got my cathedar removed and then finally got to go to the bathroom, and then thats when I felt my staples, it felt like Frankenstein, I counted 16 staples, and the ones on the ends itched, but I put a bit of vaseline on them and wow, felt so much better. I had a drain tube put in so that had to go with me, and damn, that was annoying. But that was removed that night, granted the Doctor had to cut my skin because I had already started to heal over it, but everything was removed, and I could finally take that first shower, and BOY that was a real treat, until I got into my hospital big girl pants, and you ladies you all know what i'm talking about. My mom warned me to take plenty of pads, I hadnt warn a pad in YEARS, but the hospital had Gigantic pads, and well, they werent bad, I hardly noticed but it sure was funny the first time trying to pee after my cathedar removal, I sat there and sat there, and then got back into bed cause there was nothing, and then about an hour later, POOF, i gotta go, well I couldnt hurry out of bed, but I got there, luckily I have great bladder control LOL and triumph... I got to go.. Did you know that for the first 6 weeks after delivery you leak everywhere??

Most men just dont know about it, or just havent gone thru it with their wives, gf's etc, but my bf and I got a crash course in leaks.. not only from our son, but from me, and you just feel like a terrible mess. Breasts are leaking because your baby cries, or you get emotional because you are coming off the biggest hormonal high of your life, and leaking everywhere. I had pads all over me, to help with the leaking, but in all, wow, it wasn't that bad, trying to get on a schedule, and then after a few days of being home, things started to come together, nursing was easy, I had a great nurse that taught me well, and a lactation consultant on call, so I felt totally sure that we could do this. And after the first few days, we did, every two to three hours, and as time passed it was more amounts and less often. I was pumping every few hours, and then waking up in the middle of the night to pump so that Daddy could give him a bottle before he went to work, and it was nice, but about 5 months of age, I noticed I wasnt producing as much, and it quickly just stopped, I was a bit hurt, but then started him on formula, and we were fine. It wasnt what I wanted to give him, but he didnt seem to mind and actually loved the stuff... Once my leaking got under control, his leaking picked up, Jeff Foxworthy says it best.. " you look like condors have been landing" if it wasnt spit up on your shoulder, or lap, it was in the form diapers.

I have been around babies my whole life, but when they are your own, you are in for a whole different perspective. Everyone thinks they know what to expect, but you dont, not til you deliver, and get sent home, not just the daily care of your baby, or the daily care of you or lack there of because it always seems like your busy with baby, making bottles for baby, doing diapers if using cloth, or laundry, laundry, laundry, or just relaxing and prepping to nurse, there is just no time to relax that first month, and then poof, a nice rhythm sets in and you just keep chugging forth. He is almost a year, and we still have a routine, it just keeps getting modified, sometimes weekly, but the leaking has stopped, and not once have we had a leaky diaper of number 2... so that is a great feat, either that, or its the great diapers.... gotta love Costco!! LOL