Sunday, October 24, 2010

Trying to Hang In There...

That phrase has just been apart of my life.. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am very strong, but there are times when I just want to stay in bed all day and sob. As you know, we live with my In Laws, who are the best, I don't think that there are enough kind words to describe them. Today, Papa, Patrick and I went to the grocery store and then to Costco, it was nice to get out. Keeps me from missing Kevin to much. Kevin got his CDL, and went on the road for three days, and I already miss him something fierce. I hide it when he calls, because it just makes his job that much more stressful and tiresome. But today, the washing machine broke, and well, it was the straw that broke my back. I just started crying after my FIL checked it out to see if it was fixable. After I got Patrick down for a nap, and my FIL left to go call Nana, to see what she thought. I just started crying. Draining the water out of the machine, wringing out clothes, and just sobbing.

I know that we will get through this, but it just seems to keep piling up. A few months ago, the dryer broke. I have been a home owner and I know these things happen, just seems sucky that it has all been happening while we have been here. And it just hurts, cause I feel bad for them. They took us in when Kevin lost his job, and help out so much, I think when it comes time to move out, Patrick is going to miss them so much.

I am glad that he is at this age when Kevin had to do training over the road, because he misses him, but not like a 6 year old would. Kids at age 2 don't really have the concept of time, at least that is what I have read. And for the most part seems true, Patrick is a tough little guy, he's very smart and we just love him to pieces.

I sent Kevin a picture of Patrick yesterday from my Mom's and Kevin said it hurt so bad, and I knew it would, and I regretted sending it, but I knew he needed to see his funny sweet face.

I keep praying that this year goes by quickly. And that Kevin can find local work near home. Even if he was gone daily or every other day, nightly etc, that would be ok too, but going out for 30 days at a time, and then coming home for a few days, just seems like torture. But it is better than being away in a war zone for a year or more. I hope that I can become that strong, like the families that have to do that.

I have a few tests coming up to take for possible jobs, and I hope that I become employed soon, I think that would help Patrick and I so much. It would make me concentrate on him and working, and not how much I miss Kevin. Plus, Patrick would get to go to day care, I know it will be an adjustment for him and I both, but its good to have little friends.

Typing this out has helped, but hasnt eased the tears, and today, it started to rain, I am not ready to become a mall walker. Patrick and I enjoy our outdoor walking time. Its a good chance for him to eat a nice hearty snack before going to take a nap.

Got my first text message from Kevin, he's in Phoenix, outside the Hooters.. good place for him LOL I hope to talk to him later today but probably tonight. The tears have stopped if you are wondering LOL, just missing him. And now, back to my cleaning.. Peace

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