Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sweetest Rewards: Trying to Hang In There...

Sweetest Rewards: Trying to Hang In There...: "That phrase has just been apart of my life.. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am very strong, but there are times when I just want to sta..."

Trying to Hang In There...

That phrase has just been apart of my life.. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am very strong, but there are times when I just want to stay in bed all day and sob. As you know, we live with my In Laws, who are the best, I don't think that there are enough kind words to describe them. Today, Papa, Patrick and I went to the grocery store and then to Costco, it was nice to get out. Keeps me from missing Kevin to much. Kevin got his CDL, and went on the road for three days, and I already miss him something fierce. I hide it when he calls, because it just makes his job that much more stressful and tiresome. But today, the washing machine broke, and well, it was the straw that broke my back. I just started crying after my FIL checked it out to see if it was fixable. After I got Patrick down for a nap, and my FIL left to go call Nana, to see what she thought. I just started crying. Draining the water out of the machine, wringing out clothes, and just sobbing.

I know that we will get through this, but it just seems to keep piling up. A few months ago, the dryer broke. I have been a home owner and I know these things happen, just seems sucky that it has all been happening while we have been here. And it just hurts, cause I feel bad for them. They took us in when Kevin lost his job, and help out so much, I think when it comes time to move out, Patrick is going to miss them so much.

I am glad that he is at this age when Kevin had to do training over the road, because he misses him, but not like a 6 year old would. Kids at age 2 don't really have the concept of time, at least that is what I have read. And for the most part seems true, Patrick is a tough little guy, he's very smart and we just love him to pieces.

I sent Kevin a picture of Patrick yesterday from my Mom's and Kevin said it hurt so bad, and I knew it would, and I regretted sending it, but I knew he needed to see his funny sweet face.

I keep praying that this year goes by quickly. And that Kevin can find local work near home. Even if he was gone daily or every other day, nightly etc, that would be ok too, but going out for 30 days at a time, and then coming home for a few days, just seems like torture. But it is better than being away in a war zone for a year or more. I hope that I can become that strong, like the families that have to do that.

I have a few tests coming up to take for possible jobs, and I hope that I become employed soon, I think that would help Patrick and I so much. It would make me concentrate on him and working, and not how much I miss Kevin. Plus, Patrick would get to go to day care, I know it will be an adjustment for him and I both, but its good to have little friends.

Typing this out has helped, but hasnt eased the tears, and today, it started to rain, I am not ready to become a mall walker. Patrick and I enjoy our outdoor walking time. Its a good chance for him to eat a nice hearty snack before going to take a nap.

Got my first text message from Kevin, he's in Phoenix, outside the Hooters.. good place for him LOL I hope to talk to him later today but probably tonight. The tears have stopped if you are wondering LOL, just missing him. And now, back to my cleaning.. Peace

Monday, October 18, 2010

Strong Family!!

We moved in with Kevin's parents in April, so that I could finish school, and Kevin could either go to school, or find work. But as we know, the economy is in the tank.. Employers can afford to be choosey..and they have. We are blessed with wonderful parents, and a son that is just amazing. Kevin finished school a couple of weeks ago. He got his CDL with all endorsements, but most companies wont hire you unless you have experience, and the best way to get that experience, is to go over the road. Long Haul driving.. It is going to be hard on everyone to be without him. Especially our little guy who is a little over 2 years old. It will be an adjustment for all of us, and I know there will be tears shed. Last night we were getting ready for bed, and Kevin has a fan, and he turned it on, and as per usual, I said, nono, not the fan.. he said, just think, In a few days, you won't have to worry about begging me to turn it off. And I burst into tears... I said, I want the fan on, that means you are home.

We talked, and cuddled, and then pushed through it. We will be ok, and its only for a year. He will be able to come home, about once a month... for 34 hours. I am hoping to find work, as I passed my Certification test, and I am now a Nationally Certified Medical Assistant... very excited about that. And I know that once I find work, and put our little buddy into day care, we will all have jobs and that will help pass the time. But on the same hand, I will miss very much being at home with our little guy. But he is ready for school, he is very curious about little kids.

One year ago at this time, when Kevin lost his job, we weren't sure what we were going to do. But with the help of our families, we have managed to break thru a moment of depression, and on the up swing.. we have survived this moment in our lives as a family ... Strong!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Night Terrors in Toddler

Last night I actually went to bed before 11pm, and thank goodness for that. My bf and I were awoken by our son at 2am, and he was having a night terror. if you have children and have experienced this, you know the anxiety that I speak of. If not, it is when your child is half asleep and half dreaming. I went into his room, and thought if I covered him up, he would just move past it, but he stood up crying and i picked him up out of his bed. I was walking him to our room and he flaled back. I am so glad that I was expecting this, because I was able to keep us from both falling over.

I layed him on our bed, and he looked right at me, like he didnt know me, almost right through me. And flipped out, so I threw all of our bedding on the floor, pillows, everything, and laid him on top, so as he lifted his legs and slammed them down on the ground, he wouldnt hurt his little feet. This lasted about 20 minutes, and he has done this a few times, and it's usually because he's not feeling good, and this is the first sign, so just going with what I normally do, luckily, his favorite cartoon is on ondemand, so at 230, we watched Caillou.... bless Caillou, he started to "wake up", meaning it took him a while, he stood up, I asked him if he wanted to sit on the bed with us and cuddle, and he just looked at me, as if to say, what did you say? and so I repeated and he said yes, and then I asked if he wanted a drink.. yes.

Phew, so we moved passed that hurdle, and guess what, after he had his drink and cartoon and was calm, I tried putting him back into bed, and he flipped out, normally he cries for a few minutes and then passes out, well he screamed, and cried, so I went and got him after an hour, and we did it all over, see, before I usually had given him a small bowl of plain cheerios, so this time, that is what he got, ate about 30 of them, and after another cartoon, and its now 4am, I put him back to bed, and he fusses, cries, and throws a fit, and after about an hour, he see's the day light coming, its nearly 5am, and he falls asleep.

I had to be to work late today, thankfully, so after eating his real breakfast at 8am, we had an early lunch at 10:30am, and I put him to bed, he was so tired. He slept for 3 hours, I went to work, and heard that Daddy had an ok day with him. When I arrived home, at 630pm (work for a Naturopath) he had just gotten out of the bath, smelled so good, got him some medicine from the doctor, and he and I played outside for a few minutes, I dressed him for bed, and at 715p I put him in bed, read him two books, he fussed for about 10 seconds, and I havent heard from him since. All I have to say is that kids are the funniest little creatures.. they are so predictably unpredictable. LOL

In a couple of hours, I will be headed for bed, I am so tired, but still going, why you ask, because I have more work to do, and just want to vent this out. If you have a child that has gone thru this, let me hear from you.

Monday, August 2, 2010

GEOCACHING-- have you tried it?



If you like adventure, time with your family and a bit of exercise, this is something for you. I started my first profile in 2005 and have had quite the adventure, but now that we have a small family, I started a new profile, clean slate so to speak, as my boyfriend has never done this, so when we go out, I hope to add his words as the "newbie". You can find Caches all over the world, so if you are going on vacation, check to see if there is one where you are going. Most require a GPS, most cell phones have this function. Some cache's just want you to post your journey online, and how you got there, some just want a picture, or better yet, little treasures, fun small things. I hope to continue this blog post, with our adventures. Just in our zip code alone, there are over 500... this isn't something new, this has been around for ten years, and millions of people follow... why don't you?

Monday, July 12, 2010

Externship...

I have been in school for the past several months, thus my lacking of blogging, but now I am "working" at a wonderful clinic in the Sellwood neighborhood, and I love it there. They are the Elixia Wellness Group, they are a Naturopathic clinic, services they provide, are acupuncture, massage therapy, chiropractic, holistic medicine. Since being in school I had never thought of going that route, they treat so many different individuals, that its almost mainstream medicine just wish a little twist. So if you are in the need of some services, call the clinic, and see what they might be able to offer you as far as help.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Here Comes The Sun...

so, I know its going to be alright, but my mild manner baby has now turned into a beast.. at first I thought it was dietary, but nope, its the terrible two's. Maybe i was in denial... but holy cow, he goes to bed semi-ok, and wakes up, a grouch, even though he sleeps all night and gets about.... 12+ hours of sleep, followed with a 2.5 hour nap.

I know its his form of communication, and we hope to be starting with a Speech Therapist in the coming weeks, and worth with them, who will work with him, because this is so not the baby I want to raise.. LOL I don't like him crabby... He doesn't get processed foods, and I thought that he was getting some and that that might be his problem, but nope... he loves his fresh foods, and milk, water, and gets his vitamins..

Just hard at times, cause I want to know all the answers.. but each day is a better day, I am not the type of parent that pushes his limits, when its time for his nap, we make sure to be home around noon, cause we know what happens, we know that our sweet bundle of joy is going into full melt down mode and wow, the looks I know we could get with our screamer..... sympathy votes from other parents.

He is almost two, so I'm hoping he gets its over with, and on to more productive things. He is just testing his boundaries, and limits... I'm good with that, but I think I just needed to vent, and hear what other Parents are doing with their almost two-somes...

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Return to School...

if you ever get the chance to return to school, do it before you have a family, or make sure that the kids are a bit older. I am nearly done, and I will be so glad to get onto a more permanent schedule for Patrick. He has the same schedule, but some days are a bit topsy turvy. Once I start working he will start day care, wish it wasnt so, but I have found a great day care on paper, now we just need to go out in person and take a look.. I always envisioned myself staying home for a little while longer, but that is not what life had in store for me. I'm excited for all of us to take part in this thing called work, day care, life. I have huge trust issues with people in regards to how they care for Patrick. So far, only Grandparents are allowed to watch him, maybe that will change when he talks more, and can tell me how his day went. I know there are other parents out there that feel our anxiety. But as he grows up, we grow up as Parents, but I'm still very skeptical of certain people wanting to watch him. Just got to see how it goes. I am really working hard on the day care thing, its going to be so good for him, and having him interact with other kids..

School is rough, but not that rough, just when I get into a groove of school, its nearly over, but thats ok, and I hope to work, and then go back to even more school once Patrick is in kindergarten.. but thats a few years away...

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Happy Easter 2010!!!

Today we got up, and quickly got dressed and headed to Costco to meet up with Nana and Papa... as my son was slowly coming out of sleepiness, he realized where he was and saw that Papa was there with his standard frozen yogurt.. Mmmm!! After that was devoured and groceries were bought for the upcoming Sunday Dinner, we headed home for a nap. As soon as the nap was done and over with, we got out the vinegar and yep the standard box of PAAS Egg Coloring Kit... what a wonderful tradition, even at my age I still love to color eggs. We got everything ready, and our son, who is 21 months old, just looked at the eggs and the brightly colored water and said. "Eh" I took that as he didnt really care, but he sure loved holding the eggs once they were colored and dried. Its so amazing the traditions we get to pass on to our little people. Tomorrow morning, we will have a feast of a breakfast, and then go hunt for eggs that the Easter Bunny left for the little person in our household.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

A Piece of Family History Returns..

We all have family members that for some reason or another do things that we dont agree with, or approve of. That is why we arent the ones with the arrest records or criminal pasts. One of my family members who I love dearly, I call him my brother, we were raised separately, but saw each other every other weekend. It was great growing up, I had someone to boss around, and someone who would do anything I told him to. As we grew up, my head strong ways didn't approve of his carefree or careless lifestyle. I figured it was just a little bump in his road that he had to take as did most boys his age. Granted, his curious lifestyle didn't stop him.

In 2003, He was camping with a friend in Yellowstone, this made National News, and they decided to move some barriers to get further into the park, meaning, he trespassed. After doing some donuts around a geyser and doing some major damage, he and his friend got stuck. They asked for help, but when the help didn't want to help because they would be contributing to a violation, they drove the two criminals to the Ranger Station at Yellowstone, upon being arrested. They went through their gear and found a loaded .22 Remington Rifle and confiscated it.

Upon being released, and going to fight in Iraq, and then coming back and being severely messed up, another crime was committed. It is now present day 2010, and last Thanksgiving, we as a family find out that the gun that was given to him by my Grandfather, who was given by his Grandfather, was taken into possession by park Rangers 7 years prior. I learned of this and made a few phone calls, after Googling his arrest record and getting the arresting officer's name and number. I found the gun, wow, 7 years it has sat in a safe at the Park Rangers Head Quarters, even the Rangers were surprised that it was still there. I phoned my Grandma right away and told her that it was still here.. we worked out an arrangement with the Rangers, that we would come down and get the gun. Certain paper work had to be done and filed in order to get this family heirloom that is almost 100 years old. So March 14, 2010, my boyfriend, son and I got in the car and drove to Montana, and then down to the park. We arrived in Montana, no snow on the roads and the most gorgeous sunny weather I had seen in months. We spent the night with family and then headed down to the park the next day. So excited, we were so close to getting my Grandpa's gun back. We arrived in the park and the Ranger we were to meet was at Old Faithful, so we waited and let our young son play in the snow. Shortly he arrived and we exchanged hand shakes, and pleasantries and lots of talking. They were so nice and almost sentimental as we were about our precious gun.

It was smaller than I had remembered, granted, the last time that I saw it was when I was 21. As soon as we got the paper work transferred and papers signed, it was ours, and I called Grannie, as soon as we were on the road. I didn't cry, even though I thought I would have knowing at how sentimental I am about things. The drive back to Helena, seemed shorter after picking up our precious cargo, even though it was still 300 miles. In all we traveled almost 2000 miles, in less than 4 days. It was a great trip to see the family and to get our family history back.

We took the gun to my Grannies house, and she has this sort of fancy house, and I told her it would make a great story, so she should mount it over her french doors. She was so happy to have it back, thinking that it had been destroyed or sold at an auction. It was truly meant to be in our family forever. She told me that after she has had it for a few years, it will become my gun, which I will then pass on to my son, but he wont be allowed to fire it, or use it, its for history.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Thank You's

I have so many reasons to complain, but I don't, one might ask why even with all the hardships we have had in 2009. I just know that there are others out there facing way more hardships. I still have my home, and a healthy family, that is worth so much more than I could have imagined. Life throws you curve balls, and as our Father reminded us at Mass recently... he said, " Sometimes God doesn't like what he see's that you are doing, and gives you awhile to change what you know that you can, but if you don't... Whack, down comes the hammer." I believe he spoke to several in our parish, and things are changing. I am in school, and my boyfriend is on a new path for himself. Might be a bit of a struggle, but we are making it. Each day forward is a leap later ... I was woken this morning by our little guy.. almost 18 months old, and I rushed to him, and he gave me this great big morning hug, then wanted down, he immediately ran for the bathroom door, opened it, and flushed the toilet.. baby steps.. in a couple of days we will bring in his own potty that he got from Santa... its the little things that just make me smile. I was not prepared to wake up at 5am, as I had gone to sleep at midnight after making Thank You cards, and doing a bit of studying for the final this Monday... so after he had a little cup of milk and a drink of water, I put him back into bed with a couple of books and a night light.. sure enough, he was back to sleep in minutes.. we later woke up at 9:30.. had breakfast, and he's back to sleep at 11... soon we will head to my in laws.. Nana is home from visiting her Mom, and will love to see her little guy.. who as I looked at him this morning, must have grown some while asleep, he appeared taller, so maybe in a week or so, his 2T pants wont need that roll of the cuff.. He's so long in the torso that we are grateful for the 2T shirts he got... I packed up his 12-24 mos clothes the other day.. sometimes I wish that I hadnt gotten fixed and we could have another one, but right now is definitely not the time to be thinking babies, and deep down, I am glad we are blessed with our spirited little one.

Life is a journey, sometimes it might feel like you are alone, but if you turn ever so slightly, there is someone there. Either in the form of a spouse or loved one, to a rambunctious toddler showing you his way.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!!!

My great Hope is that this year continues the approval from 2009... it was such a wonderful start in 2009 but slowly everything fell apart. My boyfriend lost his job, and we had to cut back on everything, and go without even the littlest of things. We looked at it as a bad thing in the beginning, but now I am back in school, our son will start day care and meet new little friends. And as soon as I am done with school, my boyfriend will go to school, might not have been how we planned it, but its a start. And we are trying, at least that is happening. Can't get anywhere without it. So that is how we kicked off the New Year, continued our financial conservatism and just enjoyed the night at home with our little family. This year will bring progress even though deep in our hearts its the right journey, it still sucks terribly to have a job loss. Your life isnt your own, bills have to be shuffled, and that was never something I liked, even when single, but now, we are a family and things have taken on a new priority. We are grateful, and will continue to grow. I hope to keep an ongoing blog that I had started several months ago, I hope to at least write once a week. With school and a small child, and home to contend with, those take priority over blogging, but I will try and get a few words down when there is time.