Friday Night Cooking Lesson

In My 20's and early 30's I was working at UPS and on Friday's I'd get off work around 9am in Portland and head north towards Olympia, WA. where my Grandparents lived.  I usually arrived just in time to help with groceries. 

Friday nights were family dinner with just them and I.  It was a great time... tonight, Cinco de Mayo 2017 I am in the kitchen with my family making home made tacos... only thing we arent making homemade is the shells... another time maybe.  I learned how to pan fry corn tortillas from my Grandfather Dannie and they were sooooo good...

We would make up a taco bar and dive right in.  It was such a magical night of fun just the three of us.  Tonight, there are three of us, my small family.  We were talking about dinner, and I suggested Taco Night and went on to further explain the tradition of the taco feast with my Grandparents.

The scent of onion, garlic, lime, cilantro, fresh made guacamole, chicken simmering... I feel that Dannie is with us... waiting patiently and also nudging me as to why there isnt any fresh made tortillas, next time... promise

Christmas

This Christmas season, i've lost an Uncle that i was beyond close too and so grateful for final moments, and getting things that were left unsaid.. said, thank you Joe for that, your words have far greater depth now, and into the passing of your life.. i love you


For years, i would get off work at UPS, and head to my Grandparents that were about a two hour drive into the Northern parts of Washington... to help Dannie (grandfather) for days of baking and putting up lights... just fun times.. i miss those days, and between the years fo 07 (his death) and now (2012) I havent felt like baking cookies, just didnt have it in me to do.  It was something that we did together, just us.  But this his son passing away recently, and my own son coming into his own Christmas spirit, I decided to bake... and i used a mixer, which Dannie and I never used, EVER, and i think he caught me, because as i was mixing the oatmeal raisin batter, the beaters got me... just a little pinch... i think it was Dannie's way of saying.. im watching you.. so, if anyone knows of a good wooden spoon to stir large amounts of dough, i am all ears, cause it takes a special spoon to not break in some doughs.. trust me, we had gone thru about 20, until we found one that didnt break, and sadly i didnt grab it before the Estate sale..

Thousands of Cookies were made over the years, fudges, peanut brittle.. the best recipe ever... and maybe someday i'll put it out for all to see.. its mixed by using the microwave... just a yummy treat

Christmas seems so much more special.. always takes a little reminder, last year, we had a very sick little boy, and his illness just seemed to linger from Thanksgiving to Christmas, but about a week before Christmas, he was all better and back to his cheery self.  This year, we are enjoying all the little things and celebrating the holiday with simple flavors, and low key parties.. life needs to be simpler, so much it seems is spent on working, and im grateful for my job, but also grateful for the four days off... LOVE IT

As my little guy grows up, I hope he goes away with the feeling of magic at this holiday time.. He's four now, and this year, helped pick out our tree, decorate it, put up his train, helped with decorating sugar cookies, and just the all around merriment... and soon, will be helping to pick out toys for kids that have parents who need a little help...

Thank you buddy, some day you will see this and know how loved you are... and hopefully you will walk away with memories of sheer joy like i did.. not just from the gifts you got, but the family, the food, the sharing, and caring for others who can't quite get that Christmas feeling.. its a good thing to share.. generosity

Growing up, i always knew money was tight, and was told so, but Christmas was always amazing.. and i loved to help shop for people that put their names on giving trees... to be apart of that, is the best feeling..

Wanted: Cancer - - For Murder

Notes of sarcasm will be used, if you cant figure out what they are, don't bother reading on... i am still adjusting to the news that my Dear Uncle Joe is no longer here, BUT.. his stubborn ass hung on long enough, and like he said, it would be us poor suckers left behind to mourn him... Ain't that the truth.. The call came to me November 16th, 2012 at 9:46pm, from his first wife... and as soon as I saw her name on the phone, I knew that he was gone.. and got that tight feeling in my chest and throat as I answered the phone...

Just 9 months ago, I got a call from his her wife, telling me that Joe had cancer, and i was just dumbfounded.. i cried a bit, and then she helped me get into touch with him.. we are estranged because in 2007 his Dad died of the same type of Cancer.. When he died, Joe was in pain and said things to the family and just walked away.. I really tried to stay in touch..

Our first call.. and all calls after, were at work, on lunch, on break, a quick little hello, how are you feeling type calls.. texts, and wow, a lot of conversations, a lot of fixing old hurts.  He will always be missed, the way we use to torment each other.  The day we were in the kitchen, and I smarted off to him, and he turned me over his knee and spanked my ass.. damn that big hand hurt.. left a nice print... me being 30 and him being nearly 40.... what a pain he was, but we just loved him.  Fun Loving, Generous and a Royal pain in my ass.. we cracked jokes that the rest in the family just didn't get, but we were having fun, once he chased me down the long hallway at my Grandparents after I stuck my tongue out at him... hahahaha, didn't catch me sucker, did ya.. Not til later.. I was walking by him, and he grabbed my wrist, and man he was strong, them big meat hooks as I called them, had me good.   What was I to do, but turn on the charm, and the brown eyes, and he was putty... hahahaha... again, i win!

Why did i win, cause i was so feisty to him, and bossy... but, we had complete love for each other. We walked memory lanes path for months, talking about how he taught me to use a nail gun the right way, and not put a nail thru his hand like he did.... OUCHY, still makes me cringe thinking about it and picturing his hand with an entrance and an exit wound.. "Dont let it slip kid, or you are FUCKED" is what he said to me.. with that twinkle in his eye.. so great, im holding a giant nail gun in my hand and he's holding down the wall joint for the cabinent... and im thinking to myself.. Don't screw up, cause if you do, its probably gonna be his hand.. after the first two fires, I was ok... and for years, used the nail gun like no big deal..

So many memories, and as I think of them, I have been writing them down.. my son never got to meet him, he is 4, but he will be told all about Dear Uncle Joe...

As I got older, more on my own, I flew down to Cali, and stayed with him and the family for two weeks, and what a blast... took me up to the snow at Big Bear, had a great dinner at a cafe up there.. and then the next day, he took off work and we went to Disneyland.. what a blast we had... his wife was pregnant, so it wasn't much fun for her, but we had a good time...

With the holidays approaching, it will be a bit difficult to imagine that Christmas morning, I wont get that call.. even in my 20's and 30's, loved waiting for our call from Joe.. I was always reminded not to get the phone but to let his Dad answer, but his Dad always handed the phone to me to answer.. all of us at my Grandparents and then he and his family in Cali... he never got to come up here for the holidays.. and that is a whole other story about someones selfishness... and it isnt his.. anyhow I almost strayed from my theme of sarcasm to snarky.... keep the focus girl LOL

His Cancer started in his Colon, they removed half of his large intestine, the giant tumor, and three feet of his small intestine.. and things really started to look up.  But then the cancer spread to his Liver and more chemo, he was fighting a good fight.. then, he confided in me during one of our calls, his 2nd wife, who I have never met, she sounds like an angel... so glad they married, but, she didnt even know then, but they found cancer in his blood, and then, he learned into his lungs.. My last call to him was in October, we just talked, I cried a little, not because I knew he was dying, but because I wouldn't probably ever get to see his stubborn ass again.  He said to me.. "Kid, if you were able, you'ld come down down and take care of me, Just like you did with my Dad?"  I said, Yes i would..

When his Dad entered his final days, My Mom and I were in the Caribbean.. and as soon as we landed in Houston, i turned on my phone, and immediately my Grandma called asking for me to come to the house.. she said my Cousin would be there to pick me up, and he did, drove me up to their home, and Grandfather was there in his bed, and he totally knew who we were, said hello, and asked me to help him.  But, I knew it was soon... my cousin had to go to work and couldn't stay, so he left, my Aunt left, Hospice nurse left, and Grannie went to bed after I made a run to the pharmacy.... to get a patch to help with drying out, as he was starting to foam... I'll never remember the last thing the Hospice Nurse said to me... as she handed me a bottle of Morphine, she said, "IF he gets to MUCH, he WILL DIE.!" It was like she was giving me permission to overdose him, and I could not do that, would not do that! and then have to live with that... So, it grew quiet in the house, I had the the off, the heat on, and called Joe, we talked for a bit and then he had to go.. So, I talked to Grandfather who by this time, was spiraling down.... I took a break from suctioning him with a turkey baster because he was foaming so much... trying to breathe... but I had to call my work, and I got approved for two weeks of FMLA.  Which was later denied, because he was my Step Grandfather.. Fuckers.. anyhow.. the phone rang, and it was Joe, we talked, he couldn't be with us, because he was going thru a very messy divorce and had to stay in California.  He told me that i was so strong, to be there and so loved, to also again, be doing this.  I said, I love him like he was blood... and that is what we do for family and friends we love.  The end jobs aren't always the prettiest..

He had me put the phone up to his Dad's ear, and let him talk for a bit, and checked a couple times to see if he was done, and there were responses from Grandfather, a little smirk, a little smile... I am not sure in those few moments what Joe was saying to him, nor was it my business, that was Father/Son time.. and when he finished, Joe and I talked for about 45 more minutes, and he asked me what all i was doing for him.. And I told him I was suctioning him, pulling the fluid from his mouth, and then, I noticed his hands.. his powerful huge hands.. they had turned frail, in just a matter of days, and then I saw it... his nails were turning black... and then silence.... I choked back my tears, and interrupted Joe telling me a story about his Dad.. I had to get his attention.. "Joe, your Dad has just passed away."  His reply, NO FUCKING WAY!  YOU CHECK... I said, I did, I checked for his pulse, and there wasn't one.. I saw his heart pump one last time.. I ached, I had just experienced the most humbling thing ever.. someones last breath, someones last second on earth... I didn't cry, was just awe struck... Joe says to me, check his pulse, I said i just did, there is nothing there, YOU COUNT AGAIN he screams at me.. I said, I can count to fucking Zero, what more do you want.. and well, we both laughed a bit.. Humor was apart of the three of us.. even Dannie, my Grandfather would have seen the humor in that..

I got off the phone with Joe, covered Dannie up, and went to wake my Grandma, who also checked him, and nothing. I called our dear neighbor Russ, who is the fire chief in the town they lived in.. but the phone was busy... he said if it happened, to call and he would bring his friend who was the funeral director in the little town.  But again, calling, calling, busy signal, so, its nearly midnight, and I drive down to his house and bang on the back door.. he answers it in his underwear.. (insert giggle) and says, why didnt you call, I said the phone is busy... he yells at his daughter and kisses my forehead and tells me he will follow just gotta get my clothes on.

My Grandfather had a DNR and no life sustaining heroics signed, but the EMT's that showed up who were called by the neighbor to have him declared passed.. wanted to try and save him.  I sat on his bed, and told them if you touch him, we are going to have problems.  Because I knew after a half hour, they wouldn't be able to anyhow.  So, the Chief just sent them back.  I helped Grandma get ready, called Joe back, and they took Grandfather away.. I was so removed from the emotional part, because I was the caretaker, I have still yet to cry over his passing.

But the second the phone rang to tell me Joe had passed away... I sobbed uncontrollably, and have been off and on, thoughts come into my head, and I laugh, then I cry, because he was such an important person.  But as with all things, they must come to an end, even a life.  He lived a well life.. even at age 47 and living with full systemic Cancer.. he did his very best with what cards he was dealt... wish I could say that he turned around with a Royal Flush, but, sadly, no, Ace's and 8's and my heart just breaks...

My Veteran's Day Tribute

 We all know someone who is a Veteran, whether they are a proud one, or a humble one.  My Grandpa, Grandfather Dannie, Great Uncles, and my dear cousin Adam, they are humble Veterans.  It was something they did, to help others, to keep our own country safe, or to protect freedoms that most take for granted. Thousands of miles from home, not sure what the job is at hand, whether they fought in trenches, fought out in the middle of an ocean, the jungle, or desert... They had a job to do, and they did it.  Whether they agreed or not.. Sometimes, they would disagree quietly, or within their unit.. Rarely did it ever make it home.. Letters home were always positive, and how much one misses another and to hear stories about home, and school... not of the firing of guns or rockets off in the distance....

My Grandpa served during WWII in Italy and France, he never talked about it, never spoke of the bonds he made, the things he saw, or did... .  Grandma told me several times, to not ask about it... and to this day I still don't truly know but, I do this with my own cousin, I tell family who may not know, not to ask him about it.  Maybe to protect him from reliving painful memories.  One thing Grandpa did bring back, was a little French nursery rhyme... and I still remember the words, and I wondered, did he learn that song over there, because he saw children that needed comforting?  And was it something he used to help gain their trust?  I know that he was an MP.  In the picture below, his hat is offset, this is how I remember him, but instead of a military hat, it was a cowboy hat... even as I type this, the tears come... yes, i miss him, somewhat more now than I did when i was younger.  The things that have happened to our country, he would be so pissed and ashamed of how young people see things, looking for a handout... get off your ass if you want something would be his advice.  I have another picture of him, he's 16 years old, serving with the C.C.C. he lied about his age, and went to work to help his family in South Dakota, building one of the roads in the Badlands.  At this time, it was in the late 30's, into the early 40's and then, just shy of his 19th birthday, the Military Drafted him.  And then, so many thousands were drafted along with him.  Many would not return, and they are honored on Memorial Day..

They are our heroes, some still living, and some not, but regardless, they do deserve heartfelt thanks.  And to think one in 4 homeless people are Veterans.  That is so terribly sad, I understand that for some it is a choice they made years ago.... but we as the People, have we some how failed them?


I do my very best to visit the cemeteries on Veteran's Day and Memorial Day... visit with my Grandpa and just take in the things he had taught me, shared with me in my short time with him.  I think about him every day... not mournful, but missing, and in hopes that the great wisdom he gave to me, still holds a bit of magic... For In times of strife, I look to his simple words, and reflect on them.

My cousin Adam served in a war that to this day still doesnt make sense to most.. and probably never will.  He joined when he was just 16, and each summer he would do his Basic and Advanced Trainings and all his weekend warrior stuff.  Then 9/11 happened, and he was nearing his enlistment date, but was delivered a letter saying his unit would be put at a stop-loss, a new term to me,.... so hard to imagine, to be done with your duty and to be told you have to wait, because they might need you later.  He left for the Middle East, and when he came home, I will never forget the day we went to the demobilization ceremony a chilly day in 2004, but bright sunshine... the Governor of Oregon was there, and that was precious, so many units coming back and he was with this one.  I remember walking into the ceremony, I was excited, I hadnt seen my cousin in almost 4 years, and as close as we were before he left, i was really looking forward to seeing him.  And out of the corner of my eye, I see a solider making his way down the aisle of crowded seats, and I turned, and there he was.  Huge Hug, and there were some tears, I was just so happy to have him home.  Grandma faithfully reminded us, that we had never lost anyone in any war, since she began doing genealogy and had records from the Revolutionary war... we are a lucky family.. but some times journeys take them places, dark places, and i wont write where his journey took him, but it is 2012, and though these memories are several years old, he is now safe, home, and happy... The things he learned in his time of service, helped save his life, and the lives of his buddies...

Thank you all for your service and devotion to our country... politics aside, we are a grateful nation!!! 

The Yellow Paperclip

Georgia, a friend of my wife, was recently divorced and trying to raise her two sons when the Gulf War broke out. She heard about soldiers in the service who had no family and needed pen pals. Letters addressed to "Any Soldier" were distributed by commanding officers who noticed any soldiers getting little or no mail. Georgia wrote to 25 such soldiers almost daily, most of them men.

Keeping up with 25 pen pals on a daily basis almost consumed Georgia's time and talents. She sent poems, little stories, and words of hope and encouragement. When there were time constraints, she would write one letter and copy it for everyone. Greetings were sent whenever she knew about a special event, like a birthday.

One day, Georgia received a letter from a soldier that was depressed and discouraged. She pondered as to how she could help lift his spirits. It was then that she noticed that at work there were paper clips of various colors. Georgia took one of the yellow paper clips and photo copied it in the palm of her hand. She sent this picture with the paper clip with the following message: "This yellow paper clip that you see in my hand represents a hug that I am sending to you. You can carry this paper clip in a pocket or anywhere, and whenever you feel down, you can just touch and hold it and know that somebody cares about you, and would give you a hug if she were there." Georgia sent a copy of this picture along with a paper clip and the message to each of her other correspondents.

After the war ended, Georgia received one of the pictures of her hand holding the yellow paper clip, and on the back were over 150 signatures of people that had been given her "hug".

During the years, Georgia named other paper clips. Pink came to mean a kiss, green was for good luck, and so on.

Years later, Georgia was giving a class as part of a seminar for positive thinking. She shared with the members of the class her paper clip symbolism, and made a bracelet of multi-colored paper clips for each of them. One of the women exclaimed "So you're the one!" The class member told Georgia that she was visiting her brother and needed something to hold papers together. She had noticed a yellow paper clip on the refrigerator held there with a magnet. She borrowed the paper clip for her papers. When the brother saw it, he grabbed it and scolded her, and told her never to touch the yellow paper clip again. Now she knew why.

No one will never know how far her message has spread, nor how many lives have been touched by a simple yellow paper clip.

Babysitting Grandma?? I dont think so LOL

My Grandma lives with my Aunt and Uncle its a great set up for the three of them. But they needed a break and I volunteered. I thought that it would be harder, since I have a son who is allergic to all the animals that they have here.  One dog, who thankfully got sent to Doggy daycamp, and three cats, who I wish could have joined them, but we are at the tail end of the journey here, and so far its been, ok..... here is what has happened to make it just ok.

My son, has a slight cold, he's 3, and that means coughing, hacking, sneezing, and lots of snot.. what happens when  a child gets built up with snot... they start coughing and then vomiting because they are coughing so much.  Luckily, I am a pro at cleaning up vomit, as I have my own troubles, so I threw my son over the sink, and he did his business down the garbage disposal.

We arrived on Friday, and I set up his portable crib and he asked if this was where we were going to sleep and I said yes, so he went to bed, but I had to give him his inhaler and he hates being held down, because he wont willingly let you put the mask over his face.  He doesnt need it often, and I think that is part of the problem, but thats ok, I'd rather have this be a once in a while thing, other than a daily ritual like so many other kids have to do.

The night went off without a hitch, Grannie went to bed around 8, and Patrick went to bed around 9, and fell asleep around 10.  I stayed up til Midnight listening for him, fell asleep on my Aunt and Uncles bed, and woke up to Patrick coughing and full of snot, so I gave him his inhaler, and boy that sure helped, cleaned him up, and put him in bed with me.  I wish he wasnt allergic to animals, but that is what way it is.

We got up this morning, had breakfast, and made sure Grannie was ok for the day, so I could take home to give him a nap and a break from the cats.. He slept for almost 4 hours... in his own bed, and happy.

After a small bite of lunch, we headed back to Grannies, which is about an hour away from our house, and picked her up to go to a small birthday party for our cousin Rick, who turned 60.  It was nice to see the family but I was on Patrick patrol, I try an encourage him to wander away from me in controlled situations, but he just wasnt buying most of it today.

But after getting use to seeing everyone, he let me eat, and then he wanted to play.  After about an hour, we needed to go, because they also had animals there, so it was time to go, and Grannie was getting tired.

She has been plagued with Arthritis since almost birth, so she is in pretty much constant pain, which has to be frustrating, because the mind is sharp as a tack, but the body says, Im tired, so she read my cues and we got ready to leave.  I so have to send a big thank you to my cousins for helping us out to the car with her and her wheelchair. Its amazing how those memories bring thoughts of my Great Grandma, her Mother.. same thing, but you know, its great to have family who are so willing to help.  And just be there.  Will totally need to get a card to Cousin Dave for his birthday.

Tonight, as I mentioned above, Patrick got sick, and when he gets sick, its all or nothing.  I thought we were good, thats why I gave him his dinner, but nope.. about a half hour later he started coughing.  I didnt think that I had given him a lot, because I know from past experience not to give him a typical meal size.  So his dinner consisted of three peach slices, a half cup water, and about 10 green beans all cut up.

And then, it started.. luckily I saw his eyes well up and I grabbed him, and put him over the sink.. thank goodness for bleach and garbage disposals.

I got the little guy into bed around 8ish, and he's now asleep.. I am so grateful for this time with my Grannie, I got to show her all the genealogy that I have found and have been working on.  And just catch up on people.  Grannie is a great source to hear all the family what nots that are going on.

As tonight draws to a close, I only have about 12 more hours here, and then I do believe we are going to the beach tomorrow, its suppose to be about 90 degrees.  I am very excited for that.

Making of a Mother

By the time the Lord made mothers, He was into the sixth day working
Overtime. An Angel appeared and said "Why are you spending so much
Time on this one?"

And the Lord answered and said, "Have you read the spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not elastic; have 200 movable
Parts, all replaceable; run on black coffee and leftovers; have a lap
That can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she
Stands up; have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a
Broken heart; and have six pairs of hands."

The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs
Of hands! No way!" said the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's
The three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!"

"And that's on the standard model?" the Angel asked.

The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see
Through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing
Even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head
Are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can.
And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for
Looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves
Him or her without even saying a single word."

The Angel tried to stop the Lord "This is too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I can't!" The Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this
Creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself
When she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger
And can get a nine year old to stand in the shower."

The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "But you have made her
So soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You
Have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?" asked the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be
Able to reason, and negotiate."

The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the
woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like You have a leak with this model. I
Told You that You were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak." the Lord objected. "That's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the Angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow,
Her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her
Pride."

The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of
Everything for this one. You even created the tear!"

The Lord looked at the Angel and smiled and said, "I'm afraid you are
Wrong again. I created the woman, but she created the tear!"

Paybacks A Bitch...

My Mom told me that my son has no fear... just like me. I said how do you mean, she simply said, "you werent afraid to do things, try things, especially unexpectedly." My perfect example is Myself, My Mom, Grandfather and Great Uncle (grandpa's brother). We were in Uncle Ralph's barn, My Mom, Uncle Ralph and I were sitting on one side of the barn door, about 10 feet across, was my Grandpa sitting on the other side, about 30 feet up.. we had just brought that seasons hay in.... and me being 3 or 4 years old, I really had nothing to do with bringing in the hay, but I was there.

I wanted to sit with my Grandpa, so, I went to the far side of the loft, ran, and jumped... lets just say, that Grandpa's guardian Angel was paying attention and watching over him, with cat like reflexes, caught me just before I fell... and he pulled me up on top of the other side of the loft. (I did make it to the other side, but landed about three feet down the haystack)

I remember that moment, not the near heart attacks that I had nearly given my family, but that I wanted to sit with my Grandpa, I jumped, and he caught me... things like that, are stories I am sure, my son will remind me of... needless to say, he is almost 3...

I got a glint of a reminder today... we were at the park playing, and he was sliding down the slide then running around, climbing back up, and with Daddy's help, getting into place... well, one of his last trips down, he decided to climb up the slide. He slipped on the last step and smashed his teeth into his lip... he fussed and then proceeded to wipe his mouth on his sweatshirt...

Trying to Hang In There...

That phrase has just been apart of my life.. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am very strong, but there are times when I just want to stay in bed all day and sob. As you know, we live with my In Laws, who are the best, I don't think that there are enough kind words to describe them. Today, Papa, Patrick and I went to the grocery store and then to Costco, it was nice to get out. Keeps me from missing Kevin to much. Kevin got his CDL, and went on the road for three days, and I already miss him something fierce. I hide it when he calls, because it just makes his job that much more stressful and tiresome. But today, the washing machine broke, and well, it was the straw that broke my back. I just started crying after my FIL checked it out to see if it was fixable. After I got Patrick down for a nap, and my FIL left to go call Nana, to see what she thought. I just started crying. Draining the water out of the machine, wringing out clothes, and just sobbing.

I know that we will get through this, but it just seems to keep piling up. A few months ago, the dryer broke. I have been a home owner and I know these things happen, just seems sucky that it has all been happening while we have been here. And it just hurts, cause I feel bad for them. They took us in when Kevin lost his job, and help out so much, I think when it comes time to move out, Patrick is going to miss them so much.

I am glad that he is at this age when Kevin had to do training over the road, because he misses him, but not like a 6 year old would. Kids at age 2 don't really have the concept of time, at least that is what I have read. And for the most part seems true, Patrick is a tough little guy, he's very smart and we just love him to pieces.

I sent Kevin a picture of Patrick yesterday from my Mom's and Kevin said it hurt so bad, and I knew it would, and I regretted sending it, but I knew he needed to see his funny sweet face.

I keep praying that this year goes by quickly. And that Kevin can find local work near home. Even if he was gone daily or every other day, nightly etc, that would be ok too, but going out for 30 days at a time, and then coming home for a few days, just seems like torture. But it is better than being away in a war zone for a year or more. I hope that I can become that strong, like the families that have to do that.

I have a few tests coming up to take for possible jobs, and I hope that I become employed soon, I think that would help Patrick and I so much. It would make me concentrate on him and working, and not how much I miss Kevin. Plus, Patrick would get to go to day care, I know it will be an adjustment for him and I both, but its good to have little friends.

Typing this out has helped, but hasnt eased the tears, and today, it started to rain, I am not ready to become a mall walker. Patrick and I enjoy our outdoor walking time. Its a good chance for him to eat a nice hearty snack before going to take a nap.

Got my first text message from Kevin, he's in Phoenix, outside the Hooters.. good place for him LOL I hope to talk to him later today but probably tonight. The tears have stopped if you are wondering LOL, just missing him. And now, back to my cleaning.. Peace

Strong Family!!

We moved in with Kevin's parents in April, so that I could finish school, and Kevin could either go to school, or find work. But as we know, the economy is in the tank.. Employers can afford to be choosey..and they have. We are blessed with wonderful parents, and a son that is just amazing. Kevin finished school a couple of weeks ago. He got his CDL with all endorsements, but most companies wont hire you unless you have experience, and the best way to get that experience, is to go over the road. Long Haul driving.. It is going to be hard on everyone to be without him. Especially our little guy who is a little over 2 years old. It will be an adjustment for all of us, and I know there will be tears shed. Last night we were getting ready for bed, and Kevin has a fan, and he turned it on, and as per usual, I said, nono, not the fan.. he said, just think, In a few days, you won't have to worry about begging me to turn it off. And I burst into tears... I said, I want the fan on, that means you are home.

We talked, and cuddled, and then pushed through it. We will be ok, and its only for a year. He will be able to come home, about once a month... for 34 hours. I am hoping to find work, as I passed my Certification test, and I am now a Nationally Certified Medical Assistant... very excited about that. And I know that once I find work, and put our little buddy into day care, we will all have jobs and that will help pass the time. But on the same hand, I will miss very much being at home with our little guy. But he is ready for school, he is very curious about little kids.

One year ago at this time, when Kevin lost his job, we weren't sure what we were going to do. But with the help of our families, we have managed to break thru a moment of depression, and on the up swing.. we have survived this moment in our lives as a family ... Strong!

Happy Easter 2010!!!

Today we got up, and quickly got dressed and headed to Costco to meet up with Nana and Papa... as my son was slowly coming out of sleepiness, he realized where he was and saw that Papa was there with his standard frozen yogurt.. Mmmm!! After that was devoured and groceries were bought for the upcoming Sunday Dinner, we headed home for a nap. As soon as the nap was done and over with, we got out the vinegar and yep the standard box of PAAS Egg Coloring Kit... what a wonderful tradition, even at my age I still love to color eggs. We got everything ready, and our son, who is 21 months old, just looked at the eggs and the brightly colored water and said. "Eh" I took that as he didnt really care, but he sure loved holding the eggs once they were colored and dried. Its so amazing the traditions we get to pass on to our little people. Tomorrow morning, we will have a feast of a breakfast, and then go hunt for eggs that the Easter Bunny left for the little person in our household.

Thank You's

I have so many reasons to complain, but I don't, one might ask why even with all the hardships we have had in 2009. I just know that there are others out there facing way more hardships. I still have my home, and a healthy family, that is worth so much more than I could have imagined. Life throws you curve balls, and as our Father reminded us at Mass recently... he said, " Sometimes God doesn't like what he see's that you are doing, and gives you awhile to change what you know that you can, but if you don't... Whack, down comes the hammer." I believe he spoke to several in our parish, and things are changing. I am in school, and my boyfriend is on a new path for himself. Might be a bit of a struggle, but we are making it. Each day forward is a leap later ... I was woken this morning by our little guy.. almost 18 months old, and I rushed to him, and he gave me this great big morning hug, then wanted down, he immediately ran for the bathroom door, opened it, and flushed the toilet.. baby steps.. in a couple of days we will bring in his own potty that he got from Santa... its the little things that just make me smile. I was not prepared to wake up at 5am, as I had gone to sleep at midnight after making Thank You cards, and doing a bit of studying for the final this Monday... so after he had a little cup of milk and a drink of water, I put him back into bed with a couple of books and a night light.. sure enough, he was back to sleep in minutes.. we later woke up at 9:30.. had breakfast, and he's back to sleep at 11... soon we will head to my in laws.. Nana is home from visiting her Mom, and will love to see her little guy.. who as I looked at him this morning, must have grown some while asleep, he appeared taller, so maybe in a week or so, his 2T pants wont need that roll of the cuff.. He's so long in the torso that we are grateful for the 2T shirts he got... I packed up his 12-24 mos clothes the other day.. sometimes I wish that I hadnt gotten fixed and we could have another one, but right now is definitely not the time to be thinking babies, and deep down, I am glad we are blessed with our spirited little one.

Life is a journey, sometimes it might feel like you are alone, but if you turn ever so slightly, there is someone there. Either in the form of a spouse or loved one, to a rambunctious toddler showing you his way.

Facebook this...

Its funny how day after day, the morning ritual of turning on the pc, and signing on to facebook has become a norm for me and my fellow bookers. I sign on almost weekly and there is always someone new from my past, usually from school. But most recently, i was looking for people, and came across several distant cousins that I had met on a trip with my Grandma. This trip took us to every place she or a family member had lived in the last 100 years. And sure enough, on Facebook, there are my distant cousins, and so super happy to see them, and to catch up and see how we all turned out. I tried myspace, but that got boring and on a moment of boredom I checked out FB and became hooked. Totally hooked i tell you. I play a few games, Farm Town, wow, what a crazy addictive game.. we call it Farm Crack. I enjoy FB very much, I can easily see who is doing what, where, when, and if there is a little lunch get together with a few friends, then I am there. My longest standing friend, Lynette, she and I have known each other since Kindergarten, and we have been having lunch together, with other gf's from the way back, and it is truly wonderful.. We were in school together for so long, but then parted ways when we went to different high schools, its just amazing how we just picked right back up like there was just no separation... very grateful for FB.