Ups and Downs

ever get to the point in your day, where you just want to put your earplugs in and block out all the sounds, to just meditate, relax, and try and get to some sort of calmness.

That is where I have been trying to get for the past few days, and today is the clincher, but all will be well again someday.

Packing, Moving, getting a toddler ready for the move, trying to accept that i cant control his universe, but merely guide him as best as i can.

I think the move is going to go smooth, if I keep saying it, and just plan the best I can.... We will be fine, he will be fine, and life will slowly move forward.

How is your world?

Rivervilla Park

River Villa Park 


Patrick and I got up early to go to the Seaport Celebration at Terminal 2, which was opened to the public for one day.  It was a free event, sponsored by various companies that work on the waterfront.  It was a bust for us, Patrick threw a HUGE tantrum, he wanted to play with some toy trains, but just wasnt in the mood to play alone.  He totally gets to up and beyond a tantrum that its almost like a rebellious fit.  I don't tolerate that, so we left.  He wasn't happy with me when he saw us approaching the car.  I had to take matters into my own hands, and pretty much Mommy-handle him.  I put him in his carseat where he proceeded to bite my wrist... luckily, I am immune to such acts. Meaning, it doesnt hurt

I got into the car, he was still raging, and I thought.. Why today, why did he have to bite me, but it was over as quickly as it came on.  He hasn't bitten me in so long, that I forget when, he started talking and the biting just went away.  Which I am very happy about.

So on our way home, I thought about taking him to a park, but not just any park.  Some place fun, quiet, so we trekked in the opposite direction of home, and first tried to go to Elk Rock park, but I didn't know exactly where it was, so we headed down a street that Daddy said had a park, but it was years ago that he told me this, but we found it, and also found a really nice place to spend some time.

We got to the park, after eating a bit of lunch and I was still leery of his attitude.  So I tested the waters, to see if he would mind and follow directions.  I left my camera in the car once we got down to the River, so I said we had to go back, and here was the true test.  He actually followed me back to the car... PHEW so, once we got down to the River, son immediately hit the dirt looking for rocks to throw into the water...

 The Rocks, he loves to throw rocks, as do most people, someday we will bring down Grammy and she can start teaching Patrick how to skip rocks, I think her personal best is like 11 or 12 skips... across some lake in Canada, I remember that from when I was a little girl.

 The views are amazing.. In almost every direction we look, with the exception of the parking lot was beautiful.  I could turn this into a frequent stop, and it wasn't very crowded which I love.

 Across from us is the start of West Linn, Oregon... I think, there is a part there and a boat launch.  No boat launch on this side, which is why Im thinking its not so crowded. 

 I could have stayed here all day, but the sun was getting hot, and it was approaching nap time, and I knew he was already starting to get to the point of no return.  So We tossed a few more rocks, and then I began my talk of trying to get him back to the car. 

 No, Mommy, I throw rocks... thats what he kept telling me as I asked if he was ready to go. 

 Just a few more rocks Mommy... that lasted about ten more minutes, and then I offered up his nap... see Patrick is one of those rare kids that actually likes naps.... so far LOL, but it worked, I asked if he wanted to go home and take a nap.  Yes Mommy...

Just as we left, we saw more boats coming, and waved to the people from the shore, and we turned, he took my hand, and we got back to the car.

He fell asleep on the way home.  After a short visit at Grammy's, who was having a garage sale, we said goodbye, headed home, and now he's asleep... which means.. I can A. take a nap myself  B. work on packing (were are moving) C. organize D. Nap..... I think I shall choose nap

Babysitting Grandma?? I dont think so LOL

My Grandma lives with my Aunt and Uncle its a great set up for the three of them. But they needed a break and I volunteered. I thought that it would be harder, since I have a son who is allergic to all the animals that they have here.  One dog, who thankfully got sent to Doggy daycamp, and three cats, who I wish could have joined them, but we are at the tail end of the journey here, and so far its been, ok..... here is what has happened to make it just ok.

My son, has a slight cold, he's 3, and that means coughing, hacking, sneezing, and lots of snot.. what happens when  a child gets built up with snot... they start coughing and then vomiting because they are coughing so much.  Luckily, I am a pro at cleaning up vomit, as I have my own troubles, so I threw my son over the sink, and he did his business down the garbage disposal.

We arrived on Friday, and I set up his portable crib and he asked if this was where we were going to sleep and I said yes, so he went to bed, but I had to give him his inhaler and he hates being held down, because he wont willingly let you put the mask over his face.  He doesnt need it often, and I think that is part of the problem, but thats ok, I'd rather have this be a once in a while thing, other than a daily ritual like so many other kids have to do.

The night went off without a hitch, Grannie went to bed around 8, and Patrick went to bed around 9, and fell asleep around 10.  I stayed up til Midnight listening for him, fell asleep on my Aunt and Uncles bed, and woke up to Patrick coughing and full of snot, so I gave him his inhaler, and boy that sure helped, cleaned him up, and put him in bed with me.  I wish he wasnt allergic to animals, but that is what way it is.

We got up this morning, had breakfast, and made sure Grannie was ok for the day, so I could take home to give him a nap and a break from the cats.. He slept for almost 4 hours... in his own bed, and happy.

After a small bite of lunch, we headed back to Grannies, which is about an hour away from our house, and picked her up to go to a small birthday party for our cousin Rick, who turned 60.  It was nice to see the family but I was on Patrick patrol, I try an encourage him to wander away from me in controlled situations, but he just wasnt buying most of it today.

But after getting use to seeing everyone, he let me eat, and then he wanted to play.  After about an hour, we needed to go, because they also had animals there, so it was time to go, and Grannie was getting tired.

She has been plagued with Arthritis since almost birth, so she is in pretty much constant pain, which has to be frustrating, because the mind is sharp as a tack, but the body says, Im tired, so she read my cues and we got ready to leave.  I so have to send a big thank you to my cousins for helping us out to the car with her and her wheelchair. Its amazing how those memories bring thoughts of my Great Grandma, her Mother.. same thing, but you know, its great to have family who are so willing to help.  And just be there.  Will totally need to get a card to Cousin Dave for his birthday.

Tonight, as I mentioned above, Patrick got sick, and when he gets sick, its all or nothing.  I thought we were good, thats why I gave him his dinner, but nope.. about a half hour later he started coughing.  I didnt think that I had given him a lot, because I know from past experience not to give him a typical meal size.  So his dinner consisted of three peach slices, a half cup water, and about 10 green beans all cut up.

And then, it started.. luckily I saw his eyes well up and I grabbed him, and put him over the sink.. thank goodness for bleach and garbage disposals.

I got the little guy into bed around 8ish, and he's now asleep.. I am so grateful for this time with my Grannie, I got to show her all the genealogy that I have found and have been working on.  And just catch up on people.  Grannie is a great source to hear all the family what nots that are going on.

As tonight draws to a close, I only have about 12 more hours here, and then I do believe we are going to the beach tomorrow, its suppose to be about 90 degrees.  I am very excited for that.

Paybacks A Bitch...

My Mom told me that my son has no fear... just like me. I said how do you mean, she simply said, "you werent afraid to do things, try things, especially unexpectedly." My perfect example is Myself, My Mom, Grandfather and Great Uncle (grandpa's brother). We were in Uncle Ralph's barn, My Mom, Uncle Ralph and I were sitting on one side of the barn door, about 10 feet across, was my Grandpa sitting on the other side, about 30 feet up.. we had just brought that seasons hay in.... and me being 3 or 4 years old, I really had nothing to do with bringing in the hay, but I was there.

I wanted to sit with my Grandpa, so, I went to the far side of the loft, ran, and jumped... lets just say, that Grandpa's guardian Angel was paying attention and watching over him, with cat like reflexes, caught me just before I fell... and he pulled me up on top of the other side of the loft. (I did make it to the other side, but landed about three feet down the haystack)

I remember that moment, not the near heart attacks that I had nearly given my family, but that I wanted to sit with my Grandpa, I jumped, and he caught me... things like that, are stories I am sure, my son will remind me of... needless to say, he is almost 3...

I got a glint of a reminder today... we were at the park playing, and he was sliding down the slide then running around, climbing back up, and with Daddy's help, getting into place... well, one of his last trips down, he decided to climb up the slide. He slipped on the last step and smashed his teeth into his lip... he fussed and then proceeded to wipe his mouth on his sweatshirt...

Trying to Hang In There...

That phrase has just been apart of my life.. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am very strong, but there are times when I just want to stay in bed all day and sob. As you know, we live with my In Laws, who are the best, I don't think that there are enough kind words to describe them. Today, Papa, Patrick and I went to the grocery store and then to Costco, it was nice to get out. Keeps me from missing Kevin to much. Kevin got his CDL, and went on the road for three days, and I already miss him something fierce. I hide it when he calls, because it just makes his job that much more stressful and tiresome. But today, the washing machine broke, and well, it was the straw that broke my back. I just started crying after my FIL checked it out to see if it was fixable. After I got Patrick down for a nap, and my FIL left to go call Nana, to see what she thought. I just started crying. Draining the water out of the machine, wringing out clothes, and just sobbing.

I know that we will get through this, but it just seems to keep piling up. A few months ago, the dryer broke. I have been a home owner and I know these things happen, just seems sucky that it has all been happening while we have been here. And it just hurts, cause I feel bad for them. They took us in when Kevin lost his job, and help out so much, I think when it comes time to move out, Patrick is going to miss them so much.

I am glad that he is at this age when Kevin had to do training over the road, because he misses him, but not like a 6 year old would. Kids at age 2 don't really have the concept of time, at least that is what I have read. And for the most part seems true, Patrick is a tough little guy, he's very smart and we just love him to pieces.

I sent Kevin a picture of Patrick yesterday from my Mom's and Kevin said it hurt so bad, and I knew it would, and I regretted sending it, but I knew he needed to see his funny sweet face.

I keep praying that this year goes by quickly. And that Kevin can find local work near home. Even if he was gone daily or every other day, nightly etc, that would be ok too, but going out for 30 days at a time, and then coming home for a few days, just seems like torture. But it is better than being away in a war zone for a year or more. I hope that I can become that strong, like the families that have to do that.

I have a few tests coming up to take for possible jobs, and I hope that I become employed soon, I think that would help Patrick and I so much. It would make me concentrate on him and working, and not how much I miss Kevin. Plus, Patrick would get to go to day care, I know it will be an adjustment for him and I both, but its good to have little friends.

Typing this out has helped, but hasnt eased the tears, and today, it started to rain, I am not ready to become a mall walker. Patrick and I enjoy our outdoor walking time. Its a good chance for him to eat a nice hearty snack before going to take a nap.

Got my first text message from Kevin, he's in Phoenix, outside the Hooters.. good place for him LOL I hope to talk to him later today but probably tonight. The tears have stopped if you are wondering LOL, just missing him. And now, back to my cleaning.. Peace

Strong Family!!

We moved in with Kevin's parents in April, so that I could finish school, and Kevin could either go to school, or find work. But as we know, the economy is in the tank.. Employers can afford to be choosey..and they have. We are blessed with wonderful parents, and a son that is just amazing. Kevin finished school a couple of weeks ago. He got his CDL with all endorsements, but most companies wont hire you unless you have experience, and the best way to get that experience, is to go over the road. Long Haul driving.. It is going to be hard on everyone to be without him. Especially our little guy who is a little over 2 years old. It will be an adjustment for all of us, and I know there will be tears shed. Last night we were getting ready for bed, and Kevin has a fan, and he turned it on, and as per usual, I said, nono, not the fan.. he said, just think, In a few days, you won't have to worry about begging me to turn it off. And I burst into tears... I said, I want the fan on, that means you are home.

We talked, and cuddled, and then pushed through it. We will be ok, and its only for a year. He will be able to come home, about once a month... for 34 hours. I am hoping to find work, as I passed my Certification test, and I am now a Nationally Certified Medical Assistant... very excited about that. And I know that once I find work, and put our little buddy into day care, we will all have jobs and that will help pass the time. But on the same hand, I will miss very much being at home with our little guy. But he is ready for school, he is very curious about little kids.

One year ago at this time, when Kevin lost his job, we weren't sure what we were going to do. But with the help of our families, we have managed to break thru a moment of depression, and on the up swing.. we have survived this moment in our lives as a family ... Strong!

Night Terrors in Toddler

Last night I actually went to bed before 11pm, and thank goodness for that. My bf and I were awoken by our son at 2am, and he was having a night terror. if you have children and have experienced this, you know the anxiety that I speak of. If not, it is when your child is half asleep and half dreaming. I went into his room, and thought if I covered him up, he would just move past it, but he stood up crying and i picked him up out of his bed. I was walking him to our room and he flaled back. I am so glad that I was expecting this, because I was able to keep us from both falling over.

I layed him on our bed, and he looked right at me, like he didnt know me, almost right through me. And flipped out, so I threw all of our bedding on the floor, pillows, everything, and laid him on top, so as he lifted his legs and slammed them down on the ground, he wouldnt hurt his little feet. This lasted about 20 minutes, and he has done this a few times, and it's usually because he's not feeling good, and this is the first sign, so just going with what I normally do, luckily, his favorite cartoon is on ondemand, so at 230, we watched Caillou.... bless Caillou, he started to "wake up", meaning it took him a while, he stood up, I asked him if he wanted to sit on the bed with us and cuddle, and he just looked at me, as if to say, what did you say? and so I repeated and he said yes, and then I asked if he wanted a drink.. yes.

Phew, so we moved passed that hurdle, and guess what, after he had his drink and cartoon and was calm, I tried putting him back into bed, and he flipped out, normally he cries for a few minutes and then passes out, well he screamed, and cried, so I went and got him after an hour, and we did it all over, see, before I usually had given him a small bowl of plain cheerios, so this time, that is what he got, ate about 30 of them, and after another cartoon, and its now 4am, I put him back to bed, and he fusses, cries, and throws a fit, and after about an hour, he see's the day light coming, its nearly 5am, and he falls asleep.

I had to be to work late today, thankfully, so after eating his real breakfast at 8am, we had an early lunch at 10:30am, and I put him to bed, he was so tired. He slept for 3 hours, I went to work, and heard that Daddy had an ok day with him. When I arrived home, at 630pm (work for a Naturopath) he had just gotten out of the bath, smelled so good, got him some medicine from the doctor, and he and I played outside for a few minutes, I dressed him for bed, and at 715p I put him in bed, read him two books, he fussed for about 10 seconds, and I havent heard from him since. All I have to say is that kids are the funniest little creatures.. they are so predictably unpredictable. LOL

In a couple of hours, I will be headed for bed, I am so tired, but still going, why you ask, because I have more work to do, and just want to vent this out. If you have a child that has gone thru this, let me hear from you.

Here Comes The Sun...

so, I know its going to be alright, but my mild manner baby has now turned into a beast.. at first I thought it was dietary, but nope, its the terrible two's. Maybe i was in denial... but holy cow, he goes to bed semi-ok, and wakes up, a grouch, even though he sleeps all night and gets about.... 12+ hours of sleep, followed with a 2.5 hour nap.

I know its his form of communication, and we hope to be starting with a Speech Therapist in the coming weeks, and worth with them, who will work with him, because this is so not the baby I want to raise.. LOL I don't like him crabby... He doesn't get processed foods, and I thought that he was getting some and that that might be his problem, but nope... he loves his fresh foods, and milk, water, and gets his vitamins..

Just hard at times, cause I want to know all the answers.. but each day is a better day, I am not the type of parent that pushes his limits, when its time for his nap, we make sure to be home around noon, cause we know what happens, we know that our sweet bundle of joy is going into full melt down mode and wow, the looks I know we could get with our screamer..... sympathy votes from other parents.

He is almost two, so I'm hoping he gets its over with, and on to more productive things. He is just testing his boundaries, and limits... I'm good with that, but I think I just needed to vent, and hear what other Parents are doing with their almost two-somes...

The Picky Eater

The question was asked of me, what do I feed my son.. who is one, I feed him whatever I am eating, unless its spicy. Patrick gets a lot of veggies, steamed or raw.. also the same with fruit. Some Kids are picky eaters, some only want to eat one color of food, just gotta find what works and not give up... I give that advice to myself...

Breakfasts... small bowl of cheerios with blueberries, applesauce, or pear sauce, toast, oatmeal,

Lunches sandwiches, usually rye bread, lunch meat, cheese, mayo and mustard, then I smoosh it, and cut into small bites, and give him two at a time.. ravioli that I make, he loves spaghetti and red sauce. Red Sauce is usually green, red, yellow and orange peppers diced, olives, mushrooms, tomatoes and a bit of spice.

Snacks-- sliced cheeses, grapes cut and quartered, sliced pickles also quartered, olives cut in half, more blueberries, we live next door to an organic blueberry farm... wheat crackers broken into fourths, or Annies white cheddar crackers ( his fav.)bananas, peaches, pears, cooked carrots served after being in the fridge, peas, soft stuff

Dinners- last night he ate two turkey meatballs with red sauce, didnt care for the spagetti, even though it most mostly veggies, he likes sauteed red and orange peppers, when we make us taco salads, we take a bit of the meat out before we add the hot stuff, and sprinkle some cheese on top,

we dont give him juice, its either 2% milk or water and nothing else.. Hes off the bottle, so each meal and snack he gets a cup of milk wth a straw,

I know that im doing good now, but what about later, both myself, and two of his uncles were or are still very picky eaters, so i am going to get Jessica Seinfelds book, Deceptively Delicous, some of her recipes are wonderful... like sweet potato fries, or pumpkin pancakes...

In my baby book, Toddler 411... we graduated from Baby411, it says that it takes up to ten times to introduce a new food to a small child, but most parents give up after 2-5 times.. it also said that depict a childs small list of menu items they will eat, they will get all the nutrition,

another is pedisure, talk to your Doctors, and see if Pediasure could be added to your list... If you need any other ideas, i have lots of other foods that Patrick gets... today for lunch we had a sandwhich, I made me one, and he ate several pieces.. i had a salad, but he had the goodies that went with it, radish, cucumber, stuff that he can eat, he has 8 teeth, and does real well with them..