Friday Night Cooking Lesson

In My 20's and early 30's I was working at UPS and on Friday's I'd get off work around 9am in Portland and head north towards Olympia, WA. where my Grandparents lived.  I usually arrived just in time to help with groceries. 

Friday nights were family dinner with just them and I.  It was a great time... tonight, Cinco de Mayo 2017 I am in the kitchen with my family making home made tacos... only thing we arent making homemade is the shells... another time maybe.  I learned how to pan fry corn tortillas from my Grandfather Dannie and they were sooooo good...

We would make up a taco bar and dive right in.  It was such a magical night of fun just the three of us.  Tonight, there are three of us, my small family.  We were talking about dinner, and I suggested Taco Night and went on to further explain the tradition of the taco feast with my Grandparents.

The scent of onion, garlic, lime, cilantro, fresh made guacamole, chicken simmering... I feel that Dannie is with us... waiting patiently and also nudging me as to why there isnt any fresh made tortillas, next time... promise

TIme Flies

I have not been the best little writer on this blog.. life has kept me busy that there doesnt seem to be enough time to blog.. chat.. etc.. I work full time, Mom full time, and in the in between times, working at Rockersdive.com looking for new musicians, meeting and greeting new fans, bands and musicians to our humble little internet station. I'd like to say i'll do my best, to write, but it is never going to be that.. so, the randomness is what it will be.. in March, i lost one of my nearest and dearest to suicide... Mike, i miss him more than i understand.. Im never going to get that midnight phone call to say hi, and tell me how the 3am sushi place down the street from his house was open and how yummy it was. And why wasnt i with him... No more good times, long calls... Distance never separate two hearts that really care... guess that till continue, until i get to heaven.. I miss you my friend.. only you and my heart know how much, because i have no words....

Christmas

This Christmas season, i've lost an Uncle that i was beyond close too and so grateful for final moments, and getting things that were left unsaid.. said, thank you Joe for that, your words have far greater depth now, and into the passing of your life.. i love you


For years, i would get off work at UPS, and head to my Grandparents that were about a two hour drive into the Northern parts of Washington... to help Dannie (grandfather) for days of baking and putting up lights... just fun times.. i miss those days, and between the years fo 07 (his death) and now (2012) I havent felt like baking cookies, just didnt have it in me to do.  It was something that we did together, just us.  But this his son passing away recently, and my own son coming into his own Christmas spirit, I decided to bake... and i used a mixer, which Dannie and I never used, EVER, and i think he caught me, because as i was mixing the oatmeal raisin batter, the beaters got me... just a little pinch... i think it was Dannie's way of saying.. im watching you.. so, if anyone knows of a good wooden spoon to stir large amounts of dough, i am all ears, cause it takes a special spoon to not break in some doughs.. trust me, we had gone thru about 20, until we found one that didnt break, and sadly i didnt grab it before the Estate sale..

Thousands of Cookies were made over the years, fudges, peanut brittle.. the best recipe ever... and maybe someday i'll put it out for all to see.. its mixed by using the microwave... just a yummy treat

Christmas seems so much more special.. always takes a little reminder, last year, we had a very sick little boy, and his illness just seemed to linger from Thanksgiving to Christmas, but about a week before Christmas, he was all better and back to his cheery self.  This year, we are enjoying all the little things and celebrating the holiday with simple flavors, and low key parties.. life needs to be simpler, so much it seems is spent on working, and im grateful for my job, but also grateful for the four days off... LOVE IT

As my little guy grows up, I hope he goes away with the feeling of magic at this holiday time.. He's four now, and this year, helped pick out our tree, decorate it, put up his train, helped with decorating sugar cookies, and just the all around merriment... and soon, will be helping to pick out toys for kids that have parents who need a little help...

Thank you buddy, some day you will see this and know how loved you are... and hopefully you will walk away with memories of sheer joy like i did.. not just from the gifts you got, but the family, the food, the sharing, and caring for others who can't quite get that Christmas feeling.. its a good thing to share.. generosity

Growing up, i always knew money was tight, and was told so, but Christmas was always amazing.. and i loved to help shop for people that put their names on giving trees... to be apart of that, is the best feeling..

Wanted: Cancer - - For Murder

Notes of sarcasm will be used, if you cant figure out what they are, don't bother reading on... i am still adjusting to the news that my Dear Uncle Joe is no longer here, BUT.. his stubborn ass hung on long enough, and like he said, it would be us poor suckers left behind to mourn him... Ain't that the truth.. The call came to me November 16th, 2012 at 9:46pm, from his first wife... and as soon as I saw her name on the phone, I knew that he was gone.. and got that tight feeling in my chest and throat as I answered the phone...

Just 9 months ago, I got a call from his her wife, telling me that Joe had cancer, and i was just dumbfounded.. i cried a bit, and then she helped me get into touch with him.. we are estranged because in 2007 his Dad died of the same type of Cancer.. When he died, Joe was in pain and said things to the family and just walked away.. I really tried to stay in touch..

Our first call.. and all calls after, were at work, on lunch, on break, a quick little hello, how are you feeling type calls.. texts, and wow, a lot of conversations, a lot of fixing old hurts.  He will always be missed, the way we use to torment each other.  The day we were in the kitchen, and I smarted off to him, and he turned me over his knee and spanked my ass.. damn that big hand hurt.. left a nice print... me being 30 and him being nearly 40.... what a pain he was, but we just loved him.  Fun Loving, Generous and a Royal pain in my ass.. we cracked jokes that the rest in the family just didn't get, but we were having fun, once he chased me down the long hallway at my Grandparents after I stuck my tongue out at him... hahahaha, didn't catch me sucker, did ya.. Not til later.. I was walking by him, and he grabbed my wrist, and man he was strong, them big meat hooks as I called them, had me good.   What was I to do, but turn on the charm, and the brown eyes, and he was putty... hahahaha... again, i win!

Why did i win, cause i was so feisty to him, and bossy... but, we had complete love for each other. We walked memory lanes path for months, talking about how he taught me to use a nail gun the right way, and not put a nail thru his hand like he did.... OUCHY, still makes me cringe thinking about it and picturing his hand with an entrance and an exit wound.. "Dont let it slip kid, or you are FUCKED" is what he said to me.. with that twinkle in his eye.. so great, im holding a giant nail gun in my hand and he's holding down the wall joint for the cabinent... and im thinking to myself.. Don't screw up, cause if you do, its probably gonna be his hand.. after the first two fires, I was ok... and for years, used the nail gun like no big deal..

So many memories, and as I think of them, I have been writing them down.. my son never got to meet him, he is 4, but he will be told all about Dear Uncle Joe...

As I got older, more on my own, I flew down to Cali, and stayed with him and the family for two weeks, and what a blast... took me up to the snow at Big Bear, had a great dinner at a cafe up there.. and then the next day, he took off work and we went to Disneyland.. what a blast we had... his wife was pregnant, so it wasn't much fun for her, but we had a good time...

With the holidays approaching, it will be a bit difficult to imagine that Christmas morning, I wont get that call.. even in my 20's and 30's, loved waiting for our call from Joe.. I was always reminded not to get the phone but to let his Dad answer, but his Dad always handed the phone to me to answer.. all of us at my Grandparents and then he and his family in Cali... he never got to come up here for the holidays.. and that is a whole other story about someones selfishness... and it isnt his.. anyhow I almost strayed from my theme of sarcasm to snarky.... keep the focus girl LOL

His Cancer started in his Colon, they removed half of his large intestine, the giant tumor, and three feet of his small intestine.. and things really started to look up.  But then the cancer spread to his Liver and more chemo, he was fighting a good fight.. then, he confided in me during one of our calls, his 2nd wife, who I have never met, she sounds like an angel... so glad they married, but, she didnt even know then, but they found cancer in his blood, and then, he learned into his lungs.. My last call to him was in October, we just talked, I cried a little, not because I knew he was dying, but because I wouldn't probably ever get to see his stubborn ass again.  He said to me.. "Kid, if you were able, you'ld come down down and take care of me, Just like you did with my Dad?"  I said, Yes i would..

When his Dad entered his final days, My Mom and I were in the Caribbean.. and as soon as we landed in Houston, i turned on my phone, and immediately my Grandma called asking for me to come to the house.. she said my Cousin would be there to pick me up, and he did, drove me up to their home, and Grandfather was there in his bed, and he totally knew who we were, said hello, and asked me to help him.  But, I knew it was soon... my cousin had to go to work and couldn't stay, so he left, my Aunt left, Hospice nurse left, and Grannie went to bed after I made a run to the pharmacy.... to get a patch to help with drying out, as he was starting to foam... I'll never remember the last thing the Hospice Nurse said to me... as she handed me a bottle of Morphine, she said, "IF he gets to MUCH, he WILL DIE.!" It was like she was giving me permission to overdose him, and I could not do that, would not do that! and then have to live with that... So, it grew quiet in the house, I had the the off, the heat on, and called Joe, we talked for a bit and then he had to go.. So, I talked to Grandfather who by this time, was spiraling down.... I took a break from suctioning him with a turkey baster because he was foaming so much... trying to breathe... but I had to call my work, and I got approved for two weeks of FMLA.  Which was later denied, because he was my Step Grandfather.. Fuckers.. anyhow.. the phone rang, and it was Joe, we talked, he couldn't be with us, because he was going thru a very messy divorce and had to stay in California.  He told me that i was so strong, to be there and so loved, to also again, be doing this.  I said, I love him like he was blood... and that is what we do for family and friends we love.  The end jobs aren't always the prettiest..

He had me put the phone up to his Dad's ear, and let him talk for a bit, and checked a couple times to see if he was done, and there were responses from Grandfather, a little smirk, a little smile... I am not sure in those few moments what Joe was saying to him, nor was it my business, that was Father/Son time.. and when he finished, Joe and I talked for about 45 more minutes, and he asked me what all i was doing for him.. And I told him I was suctioning him, pulling the fluid from his mouth, and then, I noticed his hands.. his powerful huge hands.. they had turned frail, in just a matter of days, and then I saw it... his nails were turning black... and then silence.... I choked back my tears, and interrupted Joe telling me a story about his Dad.. I had to get his attention.. "Joe, your Dad has just passed away."  His reply, NO FUCKING WAY!  YOU CHECK... I said, I did, I checked for his pulse, and there wasn't one.. I saw his heart pump one last time.. I ached, I had just experienced the most humbling thing ever.. someones last breath, someones last second on earth... I didn't cry, was just awe struck... Joe says to me, check his pulse, I said i just did, there is nothing there, YOU COUNT AGAIN he screams at me.. I said, I can count to fucking Zero, what more do you want.. and well, we both laughed a bit.. Humor was apart of the three of us.. even Dannie, my Grandfather would have seen the humor in that..

I got off the phone with Joe, covered Dannie up, and went to wake my Grandma, who also checked him, and nothing. I called our dear neighbor Russ, who is the fire chief in the town they lived in.. but the phone was busy... he said if it happened, to call and he would bring his friend who was the funeral director in the little town.  But again, calling, calling, busy signal, so, its nearly midnight, and I drive down to his house and bang on the back door.. he answers it in his underwear.. (insert giggle) and says, why didnt you call, I said the phone is busy... he yells at his daughter and kisses my forehead and tells me he will follow just gotta get my clothes on.

My Grandfather had a DNR and no life sustaining heroics signed, but the EMT's that showed up who were called by the neighbor to have him declared passed.. wanted to try and save him.  I sat on his bed, and told them if you touch him, we are going to have problems.  Because I knew after a half hour, they wouldn't be able to anyhow.  So, the Chief just sent them back.  I helped Grandma get ready, called Joe back, and they took Grandfather away.. I was so removed from the emotional part, because I was the caretaker, I have still yet to cry over his passing.

But the second the phone rang to tell me Joe had passed away... I sobbed uncontrollably, and have been off and on, thoughts come into my head, and I laugh, then I cry, because he was such an important person.  But as with all things, they must come to an end, even a life.  He lived a well life.. even at age 47 and living with full systemic Cancer.. he did his very best with what cards he was dealt... wish I could say that he turned around with a Royal Flush, but, sadly, no, Ace's and 8's and my heart just breaks...

My Veteran's Day Tribute

 We all know someone who is a Veteran, whether they are a proud one, or a humble one.  My Grandpa, Grandfather Dannie, Great Uncles, and my dear cousin Adam, they are humble Veterans.  It was something they did, to help others, to keep our own country safe, or to protect freedoms that most take for granted. Thousands of miles from home, not sure what the job is at hand, whether they fought in trenches, fought out in the middle of an ocean, the jungle, or desert... They had a job to do, and they did it.  Whether they agreed or not.. Sometimes, they would disagree quietly, or within their unit.. Rarely did it ever make it home.. Letters home were always positive, and how much one misses another and to hear stories about home, and school... not of the firing of guns or rockets off in the distance....

My Grandpa served during WWII in Italy and France, he never talked about it, never spoke of the bonds he made, the things he saw, or did... .  Grandma told me several times, to not ask about it... and to this day I still don't truly know but, I do this with my own cousin, I tell family who may not know, not to ask him about it.  Maybe to protect him from reliving painful memories.  One thing Grandpa did bring back, was a little French nursery rhyme... and I still remember the words, and I wondered, did he learn that song over there, because he saw children that needed comforting?  And was it something he used to help gain their trust?  I know that he was an MP.  In the picture below, his hat is offset, this is how I remember him, but instead of a military hat, it was a cowboy hat... even as I type this, the tears come... yes, i miss him, somewhat more now than I did when i was younger.  The things that have happened to our country, he would be so pissed and ashamed of how young people see things, looking for a handout... get off your ass if you want something would be his advice.  I have another picture of him, he's 16 years old, serving with the C.C.C. he lied about his age, and went to work to help his family in South Dakota, building one of the roads in the Badlands.  At this time, it was in the late 30's, into the early 40's and then, just shy of his 19th birthday, the Military Drafted him.  And then, so many thousands were drafted along with him.  Many would not return, and they are honored on Memorial Day..

They are our heroes, some still living, and some not, but regardless, they do deserve heartfelt thanks.  And to think one in 4 homeless people are Veterans.  That is so terribly sad, I understand that for some it is a choice they made years ago.... but we as the People, have we some how failed them?


I do my very best to visit the cemeteries on Veteran's Day and Memorial Day... visit with my Grandpa and just take in the things he had taught me, shared with me in my short time with him.  I think about him every day... not mournful, but missing, and in hopes that the great wisdom he gave to me, still holds a bit of magic... For In times of strife, I look to his simple words, and reflect on them.

My cousin Adam served in a war that to this day still doesnt make sense to most.. and probably never will.  He joined when he was just 16, and each summer he would do his Basic and Advanced Trainings and all his weekend warrior stuff.  Then 9/11 happened, and he was nearing his enlistment date, but was delivered a letter saying his unit would be put at a stop-loss, a new term to me,.... so hard to imagine, to be done with your duty and to be told you have to wait, because they might need you later.  He left for the Middle East, and when he came home, I will never forget the day we went to the demobilization ceremony a chilly day in 2004, but bright sunshine... the Governor of Oregon was there, and that was precious, so many units coming back and he was with this one.  I remember walking into the ceremony, I was excited, I hadnt seen my cousin in almost 4 years, and as close as we were before he left, i was really looking forward to seeing him.  And out of the corner of my eye, I see a solider making his way down the aisle of crowded seats, and I turned, and there he was.  Huge Hug, and there were some tears, I was just so happy to have him home.  Grandma faithfully reminded us, that we had never lost anyone in any war, since she began doing genealogy and had records from the Revolutionary war... we are a lucky family.. but some times journeys take them places, dark places, and i wont write where his journey took him, but it is 2012, and though these memories are several years old, he is now safe, home, and happy... The things he learned in his time of service, helped save his life, and the lives of his buddies...

Thank you all for your service and devotion to our country... politics aside, we are a grateful nation!!! 

Superstorm Sandy

What a bitch!!

I have been in daily contact with a friend who has no power, and who is down to his last can of fuel... he's letting people into his home to shower because he has heat.... in trade for a little gas... this is just one of millions of stories going on right now.. some scraped by, some dodged a bullet.. and others, have lost literally everything but the clothes on their backs...

At the local level, im seeing some great things, but on a federal level, im seeing the same ole "lets wait and see attitude".... this is such crap.  If you want a country that is built on a strong foundation of do-gooders, then let them do the good.  Let them help, start working together, but instead, we are creating a bunch of enablers saying.. well, we should plan for this better.. well better is RIGHT NOW!

Put the military in, lets get to work.... and dont tell me we dont have the resources because i've been told my whole life by my family, the "system" that we are the greatest country in the world....

I am so hurt, angered and just downright pissed off that people are still without power, still without clean dry clothes... a little food.. i've donated and if i could, i'd be out there as a volunteer... someday... but lets hope that at the local level things get done faster, its not like they didnt know that the storm was coming..

PINTEREST

I started Pinterest several months ago, and i lasted one day... it was just one more thing to add to the list.. but.... then i tried again, several months later, and wow... it is MY LIST.  Just with pictures and links, and how to's.  Little notes get attached to pictures of things I want, or Make, or do... the list is endless.

I have been using Pinterest lately as my Christmas guide for homemade gifts and yummy stuff... I am currently making at least 4 things I found on Pinterest for gifts this year and I love it... The Vanilla Extract is my favorite... I am very eager to see what it tastes like in the next few weeks

I cannot say enough good things about Pinterest...especially since I dont have to keep adding to my binder of ideas... i can now go thru the binder and find stuff and see if its on Pinterest.com  

Go to Pinterest

Jury Duty....

I got my first summons, and here I sure and wait.  But you know out is the right of the American people to serve.  Yes, there is alot of waiting, but it's one day, unless you are chosen.  I won't mind either way... Got lots of time to catch up on this blog. 

EMPLOYED!!!

I graduated in June of 2010, and I have been looking for work since then. I am in the medical field, and it has been a long road, but I am now finally employed.  It was frustrating, and at times, heart wrenching, going to interviews, applying to jobs daily and never hearing anything back.  Until a couple of weeks ago, when I got an email from a Recruiter for the company that I am now working for.  She said, I think you should apply for this, and I didnt think I was qualified for the job, but I applied, and within two days, got hired, did my drug screen, and then health screen, and poof.  Started work two weeks ago.  It was a long process, approximately 700 job applications filled out, and yes, I kept count, countless interviews, and always hearing that same phrase, " we decided to with someone with more experience, or we hired from within."

But, in the end, I kept pushing, Im a hard worker, extremely smart and a wonderful employee, I knew that there would be something for me, but alas, it was taking forever...

I hope that if someone reads this, and they are looking for work, keep pushing, keep trying, there is work out there, and some employers, just want to see you push through the brick wall, and be triumphant. 

Breaks my heart that some people got in over their head, and are taking their lives, death is not the answer, yes, its tough out there, yes, the bill mongers are knocking on the door, calling everyday, but just keep pushing, there is something for everyone, you just have to be willing to put in the effort.

In my chosen field, half of my class is not working for the career that they went to school for, some went back to previous jobs, or found other work, and you know, that is just fine, work is work, and providing is just providing, it doesnt mean that you can't switch jobs later...

Sweetest Rewards: Summer Journey to Washingtons Coasts

Sweetest Rewards: Summer Journey to Washingtons Coasts: My Mom, My Son and I went to the beach, just to take a break from chaos, and reminisce. When I was a young girl, my Mom would take me to Lo...

Ups and Downs

ever get to the point in your day, where you just want to put your earplugs in and block out all the sounds, to just meditate, relax, and try and get to some sort of calmness.

That is where I have been trying to get for the past few days, and today is the clincher, but all will be well again someday.

Packing, Moving, getting a toddler ready for the move, trying to accept that i cant control his universe, but merely guide him as best as i can.

I think the move is going to go smooth, if I keep saying it, and just plan the best I can.... We will be fine, he will be fine, and life will slowly move forward.

How is your world?

For All The Moms I Know

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations." But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her.

I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by Motherhood.

She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years -- not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God . . . that of being a Mother.

The Yellow Paperclip

Georgia, a friend of my wife, was recently divorced and trying to raise her two sons when the Gulf War broke out. She heard about soldiers in the service who had no family and needed pen pals. Letters addressed to "Any Soldier" were distributed by commanding officers who noticed any soldiers getting little or no mail. Georgia wrote to 25 such soldiers almost daily, most of them men.

Keeping up with 25 pen pals on a daily basis almost consumed Georgia's time and talents. She sent poems, little stories, and words of hope and encouragement. When there were time constraints, she would write one letter and copy it for everyone. Greetings were sent whenever she knew about a special event, like a birthday.

One day, Georgia received a letter from a soldier that was depressed and discouraged. She pondered as to how she could help lift his spirits. It was then that she noticed that at work there were paper clips of various colors. Georgia took one of the yellow paper clips and photo copied it in the palm of her hand. She sent this picture with the paper clip with the following message: "This yellow paper clip that you see in my hand represents a hug that I am sending to you. You can carry this paper clip in a pocket or anywhere, and whenever you feel down, you can just touch and hold it and know that somebody cares about you, and would give you a hug if she were there." Georgia sent a copy of this picture along with a paper clip and the message to each of her other correspondents.

After the war ended, Georgia received one of the pictures of her hand holding the yellow paper clip, and on the back were over 150 signatures of people that had been given her "hug".

During the years, Georgia named other paper clips. Pink came to mean a kiss, green was for good luck, and so on.

Years later, Georgia was giving a class as part of a seminar for positive thinking. She shared with the members of the class her paper clip symbolism, and made a bracelet of multi-colored paper clips for each of them. One of the women exclaimed "So you're the one!" The class member told Georgia that she was visiting her brother and needed something to hold papers together. She had noticed a yellow paper clip on the refrigerator held there with a magnet. She borrowed the paper clip for her papers. When the brother saw it, he grabbed it and scolded her, and told her never to touch the yellow paper clip again. Now she knew why.

No one will never know how far her message has spread, nor how many lives have been touched by a simple yellow paper clip.

Rivervilla Park

River Villa Park 


Patrick and I got up early to go to the Seaport Celebration at Terminal 2, which was opened to the public for one day.  It was a free event, sponsored by various companies that work on the waterfront.  It was a bust for us, Patrick threw a HUGE tantrum, he wanted to play with some toy trains, but just wasnt in the mood to play alone.  He totally gets to up and beyond a tantrum that its almost like a rebellious fit.  I don't tolerate that, so we left.  He wasn't happy with me when he saw us approaching the car.  I had to take matters into my own hands, and pretty much Mommy-handle him.  I put him in his carseat where he proceeded to bite my wrist... luckily, I am immune to such acts. Meaning, it doesnt hurt

I got into the car, he was still raging, and I thought.. Why today, why did he have to bite me, but it was over as quickly as it came on.  He hasn't bitten me in so long, that I forget when, he started talking and the biting just went away.  Which I am very happy about.

So on our way home, I thought about taking him to a park, but not just any park.  Some place fun, quiet, so we trekked in the opposite direction of home, and first tried to go to Elk Rock park, but I didn't know exactly where it was, so we headed down a street that Daddy said had a park, but it was years ago that he told me this, but we found it, and also found a really nice place to spend some time.

We got to the park, after eating a bit of lunch and I was still leery of his attitude.  So I tested the waters, to see if he would mind and follow directions.  I left my camera in the car once we got down to the River, so I said we had to go back, and here was the true test.  He actually followed me back to the car... PHEW so, once we got down to the River, son immediately hit the dirt looking for rocks to throw into the water...

 The Rocks, he loves to throw rocks, as do most people, someday we will bring down Grammy and she can start teaching Patrick how to skip rocks, I think her personal best is like 11 or 12 skips... across some lake in Canada, I remember that from when I was a little girl.

 The views are amazing.. In almost every direction we look, with the exception of the parking lot was beautiful.  I could turn this into a frequent stop, and it wasn't very crowded which I love.

 Across from us is the start of West Linn, Oregon... I think, there is a part there and a boat launch.  No boat launch on this side, which is why Im thinking its not so crowded. 

 I could have stayed here all day, but the sun was getting hot, and it was approaching nap time, and I knew he was already starting to get to the point of no return.  So We tossed a few more rocks, and then I began my talk of trying to get him back to the car. 

 No, Mommy, I throw rocks... thats what he kept telling me as I asked if he was ready to go. 

 Just a few more rocks Mommy... that lasted about ten more minutes, and then I offered up his nap... see Patrick is one of those rare kids that actually likes naps.... so far LOL, but it worked, I asked if he wanted to go home and take a nap.  Yes Mommy...

Just as we left, we saw more boats coming, and waved to the people from the shore, and we turned, he took my hand, and we got back to the car.

He fell asleep on the way home.  After a short visit at Grammy's, who was having a garage sale, we said goodbye, headed home, and now he's asleep... which means.. I can A. take a nap myself  B. work on packing (were are moving) C. organize D. Nap..... I think I shall choose nap

Babysitting Grandma?? I dont think so LOL

My Grandma lives with my Aunt and Uncle its a great set up for the three of them. But they needed a break and I volunteered. I thought that it would be harder, since I have a son who is allergic to all the animals that they have here.  One dog, who thankfully got sent to Doggy daycamp, and three cats, who I wish could have joined them, but we are at the tail end of the journey here, and so far its been, ok..... here is what has happened to make it just ok.

My son, has a slight cold, he's 3, and that means coughing, hacking, sneezing, and lots of snot.. what happens when  a child gets built up with snot... they start coughing and then vomiting because they are coughing so much.  Luckily, I am a pro at cleaning up vomit, as I have my own troubles, so I threw my son over the sink, and he did his business down the garbage disposal.

We arrived on Friday, and I set up his portable crib and he asked if this was where we were going to sleep and I said yes, so he went to bed, but I had to give him his inhaler and he hates being held down, because he wont willingly let you put the mask over his face.  He doesnt need it often, and I think that is part of the problem, but thats ok, I'd rather have this be a once in a while thing, other than a daily ritual like so many other kids have to do.

The night went off without a hitch, Grannie went to bed around 8, and Patrick went to bed around 9, and fell asleep around 10.  I stayed up til Midnight listening for him, fell asleep on my Aunt and Uncles bed, and woke up to Patrick coughing and full of snot, so I gave him his inhaler, and boy that sure helped, cleaned him up, and put him in bed with me.  I wish he wasnt allergic to animals, but that is what way it is.

We got up this morning, had breakfast, and made sure Grannie was ok for the day, so I could take home to give him a nap and a break from the cats.. He slept for almost 4 hours... in his own bed, and happy.

After a small bite of lunch, we headed back to Grannies, which is about an hour away from our house, and picked her up to go to a small birthday party for our cousin Rick, who turned 60.  It was nice to see the family but I was on Patrick patrol, I try an encourage him to wander away from me in controlled situations, but he just wasnt buying most of it today.

But after getting use to seeing everyone, he let me eat, and then he wanted to play.  After about an hour, we needed to go, because they also had animals there, so it was time to go, and Grannie was getting tired.

She has been plagued with Arthritis since almost birth, so she is in pretty much constant pain, which has to be frustrating, because the mind is sharp as a tack, but the body says, Im tired, so she read my cues and we got ready to leave.  I so have to send a big thank you to my cousins for helping us out to the car with her and her wheelchair. Its amazing how those memories bring thoughts of my Great Grandma, her Mother.. same thing, but you know, its great to have family who are so willing to help.  And just be there.  Will totally need to get a card to Cousin Dave for his birthday.

Tonight, as I mentioned above, Patrick got sick, and when he gets sick, its all or nothing.  I thought we were good, thats why I gave him his dinner, but nope.. about a half hour later he started coughing.  I didnt think that I had given him a lot, because I know from past experience not to give him a typical meal size.  So his dinner consisted of three peach slices, a half cup water, and about 10 green beans all cut up.

And then, it started.. luckily I saw his eyes well up and I grabbed him, and put him over the sink.. thank goodness for bleach and garbage disposals.

I got the little guy into bed around 8ish, and he's now asleep.. I am so grateful for this time with my Grannie, I got to show her all the genealogy that I have found and have been working on.  And just catch up on people.  Grannie is a great source to hear all the family what nots that are going on.

As tonight draws to a close, I only have about 12 more hours here, and then I do believe we are going to the beach tomorrow, its suppose to be about 90 degrees.  I am very excited for that.

We're Moving and other news

If you have followed my blog then you know of the trying times we have had.  But we are moving into a house, and out of my in law's basement.  We are hoping to save enough money so that we can buy our own home next year.


We considered moving back to an apartment, but that wouldn't be really fair to our son, who has had his own yard and patio to play in for over a year.  So we are taking this house, and going to be cheap for a year and save so we can own our own home.  Renting a house doesn't thrill me, but it will, its the anxiety of packing, moving, paying someone else's mortgage.  I want my own mortgage, we will get there, just need to be patient, and move out first.

Patrick started his early intervention school last week for his language delay.  He's no longer delayed by any means, just working with a speech therapist in a group setting for pronunciation and phonics.  He took about a half hour to adjust being there, and then I asked him for a kiss goodbye and I left him by himself.  I was quite surprised at how this turned out. I didnt cry, and neither did PJ.  He's becoming such a little man, and I love it.  But when I returned to pick him up, he was very happy to see me and said good-bye to his teacher.  It was very wonderful to see new experiences happening for him.  I like to introduce him to knew ideas and places, because when I was little I wanted to do so much, but was very much filled with anxiety.  So by he and I doing new things together it is pleasureable for both of us.

And when Kevin is home, the three of us do things together, and it is my great hope that the weather is nice when we go to the Beach with Uncle Dave and Aunt Michelle.  Patrick loves the ocean, and after that little trip, then PJ, my Mom, and I will be going to the beach for a few days, like we did when I was a little girl.

Patrick and I will be taking a huge adventure together soon, I'm taking him to the Portland Air Show, I'm hoping that this will be something he will really enjoy.  Especially when the fireworks go off.. LOL

Haven't Been here in a while..

Its almost PJ's birthday, can't believe he's almost 3 years old. After working with a Speech Therapist for 6 months, he has made some really serious improvement. I love that he wants to talk to me, and engage with me about certain topics thought his day... Cars, Trains, Colors, Shapes, the Alphabet. He's even learning some nursery rhymes... Rock a by baby is his newest. Sometimes he even sings it fast like a rock ballad..

Fourth of July was here, went to my Mom's and we walked down to the bridge and watched the fireworks, but PJ got bored so we left, and headed home. Upon heading home, I went into the city, and boy what a show, that he got to see from his carseat. We turned around and headed back the other way, and he saw the show continue, squealing with delight about FIREWORKS!!

Got him home, a 11pm, wayyy past his bedtime, he asked for his light on, so he could "read", and before I know it, he was asleep in his bed... so I turned off his light, and at 6am, he woke up, Uggh.. I was not ready for that.. LOL

But we managed, Kevin was gone, and wouldnt be home until today, but we are getting into a nice routine, Daddy is home a few days a week, and gone a few days a week, and it is just a nice little process that we work through.

I had another phone interview today, I am hopeful that I will get a call back for an in person interview, but I need to really punch through the 2nd interview and get hired.. I would love to work part time at this clinic, and also be home for my son, that is the American dream for me. Save our money and buy our first home...

I hope to be learning to can this summer, its been many years since my family has canned anything. But i ordered a few books, that will help with this process, i believe its more economical, and healthy for us to do this. Plus, with glass jars, you just wash and re-use. And i like that.. really tired of the processed foods out there... so many more people are going this route, and I think my generation is bringing back the homesteader ideals...

Cemetery Watchman... short story..

I got this story through a chain email, but its one of those great ones that I had to share.

Thanks just isn't enough.....Cemetery Watchman ..

My friend Kevin and I are volunteers at a National cemetery in Oklahoma and put in a few days a month in a 'slightly larger' uniform.
Today had been a long, long day and I just wanted to get the day over with and go down to Smokey's and have a cold one. Sneaking a look at my watch, I saw the time, 16:55. Five minutes to go before the cemetery gates are closed for the day. Full dress was hot in the August sun Oklahoma summertime was as bad as ever--the heat and humidity at the same level--both too high.

I saw the car pull into the drive, '69 or '70 model Cadillac Deville, looked factory-new. It pulled into the parking lot at a snail's pace.. An old woman got out so slow I thought she was paralyzed; she had a cane and a sheaf of flowers--about four or five bunches as best I could tell.

I couldn't help myself. The thought came unwanted, and left a slightly bitter taste: 'She's going to spend an hour, and for this old soldier, my hip hurts like hell and I'm ready to get out of here right now!' But for this day, my duty was to assist anyone coming in.

Kevin would lock the 'In' gate and if I could hurry the old biddy along, we might make it to Smokey's in time.

I broke post attention. My hip made gritty noises when I took the first step and the pain went up a notch. I must have made a real military sight: middle-aged man with a small pot gut and half a limp, in marine full-dress uniform, which had lost its razor crease about thirty minutes after I began the watch at the cemetery.

I stopped in front of her, halfway up the walk. She looked up at me with an old woman's squint.

'Ma'am, may I assist you in any way?'

She took long enough to answer.

'Yes, son. Can you carry these flowers? I seem to be moving a tad slow these days.'

'My pleasure, ma'am.' (Well, it wasn't too much of a lie.)

She looked again. 'Marine, where were you stationed?'

' Vietnam, ma'am.. Ground-pounder. '69 to '71.'

She looked at me closer. 'Wounded in action, I see. Well done, Marine. I'll be as quick as I can.'

I lied a little bigger: 'No hurry, ma'am.'

She smiled and winked at me. 'Son, I'm 85-years-old and I can tell a lie from a long way off.. Let's get this done. Might be the last time I can do this. My name's Joanne Wieserman, and I've a few Marines I'd like to see one more time..'

'Yes, ma 'am. At your service.'

She headed for the World War I section, stopping at a stone. She picked one of the flower bunches out of my arm and laid it on top of the stone. She murmured something I couldn't quite make out.. The name on the marble was Donald S. Davidson, USMC: France 1918.

She turned away and made a straight line for the World War II section, stopping at one stone. I saw a tear slowly tracking its way down her cheek. She put a bunch on a stone; the name was Stephen X.Davidson, USMC, 1943.

She went up the row a ways and laid another bunch on a stone, Stanley J. Wieserman, USMC, 1944..

She paused for a second and more tears flowed. 'Two more, son, and we'll be done'

I almost didn't say anything, but, 'Yes, ma'am. Take your time.'

She looked confused.. 'Where's the Vietnam section, son? I seem to have lost my way.'

I pointed with my chin. 'That way, ma'am.'

'Oh!' she chuckled quietly. 'Son, me and old age ain't too friendly.'

She headed down the walk I'd pointed at. She stopped at a couple of stones before she found the ones she wanted. She placed a bunch on Larry Wieserman, USMC, 1968, and the last on Darrel Wieserman, USMC, 1970. She stood there and murmured a few words I still couldn't make out and more tears flowed.

'OK, son, I'm finished. Get me back to my car and you can go home.'

Yes, ma'am. If I may ask, were those your kinfolk?'

She paused. 'Yes, Donald Davidson was my father, Stephen was my uncle, Stanley was my husband,Larry and Darrel were our sons. All killed in action, all Marines.'

She stopped! Whether she had finished, or couldn't finish, I don't know. She made her way to her car, slowly and painfully.
I waited for a polite distance to come between us and then double-timed it over to Kevin, waiting by the car.

'Get to the 'Out' gate quick.. I have something I've got to do.'


Kevin started to say something, but saw the look I gave him. He broke the rules to get us there down the service road fast. We beat her. She hadn't made it around the rotunda yet.

'Kevin, stand at attention next to the gatepost. Follow my lead.' I humped it across the drive to the other post

When the Cadillac came puttering around from the hedges and began the short straight traverse to the gate, I called in my best gunny's voice: 'TehenHut! Present Haaaarms!'

I have to hand it to Kevin; he never blinked an eye--full dress attention and a salute that would make his DI proud.
She drove through that gate with two old worn-out soldiers giving her a send-off she deserved, for service rendered to her country, and for knowing duty, honor and sacrifice far beyond the realm of most.

I am not sure, but I think I saw a salute returned from that Cadillac.

Instead of 'The End,' just think of 'Taps.'

As a final thought on my part, let me share a favorite prayer: 'Lord, keep our servicemen and women safe, whether they serve at home or overseas. Hold them in your loving hands and protect them as they protect us.'

Let's all keep those currently serving and those who have gone before in our thoughts. They are the reason for the many freedoms we enjoy.

'In God We Trust.'
Sorry about your monitor; it made mine blurry too!
If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under!

Making of a Mother

By the time the Lord made mothers, He was into the sixth day working
Overtime. An Angel appeared and said "Why are you spending so much
Time on this one?"

And the Lord answered and said, "Have you read the spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not elastic; have 200 movable
Parts, all replaceable; run on black coffee and leftovers; have a lap
That can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she
Stands up; have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a
Broken heart; and have six pairs of hands."

The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs
Of hands! No way!" said the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's
The three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!"

"And that's on the standard model?" the Angel asked.

The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see
Through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing
Even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head
Are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can.
And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for
Looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves
Him or her without even saying a single word."

The Angel tried to stop the Lord "This is too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I can't!" The Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this
Creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself
When she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger
And can get a nine year old to stand in the shower."

The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "But you have made her
So soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You
Have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?" asked the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be
Able to reason, and negotiate."

The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the
woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like You have a leak with this model. I
Told You that You were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak." the Lord objected. "That's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the Angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow,
Her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her
Pride."

The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of
Everything for this one. You even created the tear!"

The Lord looked at the Angel and smiled and said, "I'm afraid you are
Wrong again. I created the woman, but she created the tear!"

The Little Things

having someone with steady employment is the greatest thing.. there isnt that constant worry, or dread... now there is continued HOPE and better things to come. We are talking about buying our first home next year... can't believe that we will be able to continue with our dream. I knew it would happen, just seemed like forever to get here.

Once we find our home, and get it fixed up, the year after that, we will plant a big garden, in hopes of learning to can, and preserve all of what we grow. Depending on where we will be living, we hope to get Urban Chickens.. I was born on a farm, and loved that life, but when you live in a huge city, its very hard to have that "urban farm life". But we will get there. Just takes a bit of planning, time and money.

Another item on our agenda will be the purchasing of Mason Bees. They are a native Bee to Oregon, and I find them truly fascinating. They don't sting unless you try and really do them harm, and they are the best pollinators.. I found a website that has directions on how to build your own Mason Bee Houses.
http://www.citygirlfarming.com/Bees/BeeKeeping.html

Seems funny, that the generation that I am, we as parents and even non-parents are finding ways to be urban farmers, not only for the fun, but the fresh food. I made a promise to myself, if we ever got a lot of money, I would buy urban land, turn it into a public garden, and all people had to pay for was the water, as long as they up keep it, they can take up to 20 lbs of food a week.

I grew up on the fresh stuff, and was super lean then, and then as I got older, I lost my way, but with the help of Modern medicine, I learned that I am Insulin Resistant, so basically if I over do it on carbs, it turns to sugar, that doesnt get processed, thus turning to fat. ICK, so, while planning my life, and my garden, just thinking of all the sweat i'll use up... amazing

My son, who is 2.5 will be raised with a garden, compost pile, his own bees, urban chickens, and other little critters. This seems normal for me and my family. If you have any questions, please feel free to message me here, and I'll see if I can help. I have a wonderful green thumb, and if I don't know the answer, I know lots of other Urban/Rural Farmers that will...